Starving at the Banquet of Life

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters

Compared to what lies within us.

                         - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I was sitting in the sun at the park with a friend I had, admittedly, and guiltily, chosen not to spend time with in quite awhile.  Mother Nature was doing a fabulous job making amends for the extremely long winter she had dealt us. What remained of the 45-foot snow pack frosted the surrounding mountains, which looked three dimensional against the bluest BLUE BIRD sky of the season. The melt off had produced trees and grass in shades of green I’m not even sure there are words for.  Birds sang, dogs barked, children laughed.  It was a perfect moment in time.  But lost in her litany of could’ves and should’ves, wrong doings and if onlys, my friend was missing it all.  Suddenly I realized what had kept me so distant from her these past months:  I could no longer bare the pain of watching this beautiful, talented, good woman starving at the banquet of life.

Sadly, this is a way of life for my friend, but haven’t we all, at one time or another, been stuck in the planning and recalling that life insists on; our senses momentarily blurred to the life going on around us?  There are bills to pay, leaky faucets to fix, music lessons and football games to get to, obligations and responsibilities to juggle. It seems often that something or someone has us looking ahead. And, too, don’t we sometimes need to look back on our yesterdays, calling on the lessons learned and the wonderful, and also the difficult, memories of the past to remind us how to be and who we are today?  

Living in the now is a concept most of us get intellectually, but enter reality and things can get a little murky! Everyday we have 31,536,000 NOWs in which to be the best versions of ourselves. Some of those nows require planning and remembering, dreaming and hoping.  But when we allow ourselves to get swept up in the folly of regret, worry and projection, we, too, can find ourselves starving at the banquet of life. 

When we spend our time regretting what was, we waste the moment that is.  There are no do-overs in life. Mistakes, missed opportunities, harsh words or actions cannot be taken back.  But, they can be great reminders to make better choices. They can be turning points from which to go forward and grow.  They can be opportunities from which to learn the power of acceptance, of forgiveness, of peace. Remembering should not be confused with regret.

When we spend our time worrying about what will be, we waste the moment that is.  Leo Buscalia, author of Because I’m Human and other notable books, once wrote, “Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.” We cannot create outcomes from worry.  We cannot shape the future through projection.  That is not to say, our deeds and thoughts and words do not affect our tomorrows, they do.  Living an authentic, thoughtful, kindhearted life will surely bring you better tomorrows.  And, maybe more importantly, will provide you with the strength, courage and support you may need should tomorrow present a challenge.  But we must not confuse hope with worry, or planning with projection.

To most of us, these are not great and startling revelations!  Most of us have been there and done that before.  The question then, is how to stop these time wasting, futile forays into the past and future? 

A method I have found helpful over the years is what I call “rubber band reality!” It’s a simple, yet effective way to remind myself that where my head is taking me is not where I am, or want to be. It works like this:  Whenever I find myself getting stuck in a cycle of pointless, torturous, regret and worry mind games, I get a wide rubber band and slip it on my wrist. Then, the next time I find myself unable to resist stepping back to things I can’t change, or forward to things I can’t control, I give that rubber band a BIG snap. The sting acts as a wake up call to STOP and a reminder to look around and note that in the here and now, I am safe and living exactly the life I am intended to live!  For me, it works every time. Could it work for you, too?

Life is not a flash in the pan, but rather a rich, slow-cooked stew of moments in time. It should be flavored with love and joy, not soured with regret and worry. So, whether you choose to engage the rubber band of reality or another method, or mantra, to shake you from your trance of THEN; practice leaving your regrets and worries at the doorstep, or better yet, in the trash bin, and belly on up to the table to eat heartily at the beautiful, wonderful, delicious feast that awaits you NOW!

Bon Appetite,

Dorothy

Dorothy:  I will be spending the next week with my beloved ‘other’ family at Foothill Farm in western MT, where my belly will be filled with farm raised, organic food, my eyes will be filled with the magnificence of Big Sky Country and my heart will be filled with joy!  There will not be a second to waste on THEN! 

Susan:  May we all live today as the best you possible, think gently and patiently of tomorrow, and kindly of yesterday.    

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