Starving at the Banquet of Life

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters

Compared to what lies within us.

                         - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I was sitting in the sun at the park with a friend I had, admittedly, and guiltily, chosen not to spend time with in quite awhile.  Mother Nature was doing a fabulous job making amends for the extremely long winter she had dealt us. What remained of the 45-foot snow pack frosted the surrounding mountains, which looked three dimensional against the bluest BLUE BIRD sky of the season. The melt off had produced trees and grass in shades of green I’m not even sure there are words for.  Birds sang, dogs barked, children laughed.  It was a perfect moment in time.  But lost in her litany of could’ves and should’ves, wrong doings and if onlys, my friend was missing it all.  Suddenly I realized what had kept me so distant from her these past months:  I could no longer bare the pain of watching this beautiful, talented, good woman starving at the banquet of life.

Sadly, this is a way of life for my friend, but haven’t we all, at one time or another, been stuck in the planning and recalling that life insists on; our senses momentarily blurred to the life going on around us?  There are bills to pay, leaky faucets to fix, music lessons and football games to get to, obligations and responsibilities to juggle. It seems often that something or someone has us looking ahead. And, too, don’t we sometimes need to look back on our yesterdays, calling on the lessons learned and the wonderful, and also the difficult, memories of the past to remind us how to be and who we are today?  

Living in the now is a concept most of us get intellectually, but enter reality and things can get a little murky! Everyday we have 31,536,000 NOWs in which to be the best versions of ourselves. Some of those nows require planning and remembering, dreaming and hoping.  But when we allow ourselves to get swept up in the folly of regret, worry and projection, we, too, can find ourselves starving at the banquet of life. 

When we spend our time regretting what was, we waste the moment that is.  There are no do-overs in life. Mistakes, missed opportunities, harsh words or actions cannot be taken back.  But, they can be great reminders to make better choices. They can be turning points from which to go forward and grow.  They can be opportunities from which to learn the power of acceptance, of forgiveness, of peace. Remembering should not be confused with regret.

When we spend our time worrying about what will be, we waste the moment that is.  Leo Buscalia, author of Because I’m Human and other notable books, once wrote, “Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.” We cannot create outcomes from worry.  We cannot shape the future through projection.  That is not to say, our deeds and thoughts and words do not affect our tomorrows, they do.  Living an authentic, thoughtful, kindhearted life will surely bring you better tomorrows.  And, maybe more importantly, will provide you with the strength, courage and support you may need should tomorrow present a challenge.  But we must not confuse hope with worry, or planning with projection.

To most of us, these are not great and startling revelations!  Most of us have been there and done that before.  The question then, is how to stop these time wasting, futile forays into the past and future? 

A method I have found helpful over the years is what I call “rubber band reality!” It’s a simple, yet effective way to remind myself that where my head is taking me is not where I am, or want to be. It works like this:  Whenever I find myself getting stuck in a cycle of pointless, torturous, regret and worry mind games, I get a wide rubber band and slip it on my wrist. Then, the next time I find myself unable to resist stepping back to things I can’t change, or forward to things I can’t control, I give that rubber band a BIG snap. The sting acts as a wake up call to STOP and a reminder to look around and note that in the here and now, I am safe and living exactly the life I am intended to live!  For me, it works every time. Could it work for you, too?

Life is not a flash in the pan, but rather a rich, slow-cooked stew of moments in time. It should be flavored with love and joy, not soured with regret and worry. So, whether you choose to engage the rubber band of reality or another method, or mantra, to shake you from your trance of THEN; practice leaving your regrets and worries at the doorstep, or better yet, in the trash bin, and belly on up to the table to eat heartily at the beautiful, wonderful, delicious feast that awaits you NOW!

Bon Appetite,

Dorothy

Dorothy:  I will be spending the next week with my beloved ‘other’ family at Foothill Farm in western MT, where my belly will be filled with farm raised, organic food, my eyes will be filled with the magnificence of Big Sky Country and my heart will be filled with joy!  There will not be a second to waste on THEN! 

Susan:  May we all live today as the best you possible, think gently and patiently of tomorrow, and kindly of yesterday.    

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A Vertical Perspective of Life

'The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking

new landscapes but in having new eyes.'

-Marcel Proust

Many years ago my eldest son discovered and, ultimately, mastered the sport/skill of rock climbing.  One day, after I was finally able to calm my own fears about this new passion in his life, I asked him, “Why?  Why do you love this, what does it bring to your life, why do you DO it??!!” 

After explaining some of the physical and mental challenges involved in conquering a 3000-foot vertical slab of granite, he went on to express how his climbing skills had become useful in his everyday life.  His words struck me like a hammer and left me with a visual that would return over and over again, helping me through my own personal challenges, and as a powerful gem to share with my grief groups, and in both cases – many ah-ha moments!

In contemplating my blog assignment this week, I asked Matthew to please share those words of wisdom again.  He thoughtfully and eloquently obliged.  Below are his words – and my “like life” comments:

 “………Climbing, for the most part, is a team sport (like life: almost every minute of the day we are called upon to find harmony in our interpersonal relationships). Your teammate, however, is primarily there for safety and can really do nothing to help you once you’ve begun climbing. In this respect, it is a very individualistic endeavor. It is up to you, and only you, to accomplish your objective of reaching the top. You must overcome the obstacles you encounter with your own skills and strengths (like life: once past the age when our parents/caregivers are no longer responsible for our nurturing and wellbeing, we are basically on our own to choose the paths - ascending or descending- our lives will take).

“They say that climbing is 10% rubber (chance) and 90% mental (choice). Essentially, the rubber on your shoes will stick to just about any edge you put it on. The real challenge is in knowing that you have the skills to pull that next move, (conviction, courage) even when you’re 500 ft. off the deck (haven’t we all felt like we were flying without a net at one time or another?). In this respect, climbing is very mental. Being pushed out of your comfort zone (the easiest, quickest way) and overcoming a challenge is very rewarding (making the right decision, doing the right thing = feels good!!!).

“When you climb, especially difficult routes (a reoccurring part of life), it demands your total concentration (consciousness, integrity). Your world, in essence, shrinks to the size of what you can physically reach with your hands and feet (being in the present moment). Sometimes, you may get stuck (mental/physical/spiritual/existential roadblocks), not able to find a handhold or foothold to make upward progress with (indecision, worry, lack of support, loneliness). This is the point at which you must focus (see the truth in the situation) the most. Your arms start to burn and your legs start to shake (fear, depression, feeling overwhelmed), but you know that there’s got to be another handhold somewhere (hope). So, you hold on and step your feet up just a bit higher, (faith, trust, inner knowing) even an inch or two (slow and steady wins the race), and more handhold options usually appear (success, right action = joy, happiness, fulfillment).

“Many times you find that you’ve gone the wrong way (bad decisions, things that don’t work out as you’d hoped/unexpected, life changes, mistakes) and that you just can’t make any progress no matter how hard you try, the holds just aren’t there (doing the same thing over and over with the same – undesired - result). When this happens you need to reverse your moves and figure out where you got off route (what went wrong and what part did you play in it). It all comes down to efficiency, you can’t waste your energy trying to go the wrong way (it takes just as much effort to choose to be miserable as it does to choose to be happy), you need to back up and try a different approach (helping things go right, taking responsibility for your actions, making amends) or you’ll never have the energy to make it to the top (a joyful, fulfilling, good LIFE).”  

Thank you Matthew for helping me remember that when life is an uphill climb - shifting my perspective, trusting my instincts, taking responsibility, and using my innate and acquired skills, will help me find a way to the top.  Thank you for helping me see with new eyes.

“The man at the top of the mountain did not just fall there.” (anon)

Namaste,

Dorothy

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Dorothy:  My mantra for the week:  Life’s an uphill climb – drop the rocks!

Susan:  Be careful what you wish for … because you just may get it.  I’ve heard this phrase many times throughout my life and found that it’s very sage advice.  I’m analyzing my “wishes” so that I can determine what parts of them I truly want and need to have a fulfilling life.  When I’m clear about the outcome I’m wishing for, I’ve found my authentic wishes and dreams; my best self emerges and opportunities for fulfilling dreams are easier to recognize and act on.  

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It’s The Simple Things in Life That Matter

The happiest people don’t have the best of everything

… they just make the best of everything.

Many of you may have seen the video circulating with the message we’ve posted today, but as it is very appropriate to the intent of The 51% Project, we wanted to bring it to our blog this week. You can find the written text below, but be sure to view the video on our Facebook page – and be sure to pass it on!

Life is Like a Cup of Coffee

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the coffee.When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said: "If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups have been taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups... And then you began eyeing each other's cups.Now consider this: Life is the coffee; the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, and the type of cup we have does not define, nor change the quality of life we live.Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee. Savor the coffee, not the cups! The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly.

Author Unknown

The 51% Project is about finding joy and happiness in our lives, and passing on those gifts to the people we love and the people we meet. The message of the “Cup of Coffee” story is just the kind of thing we enjoy sharing. Won’t you join us this week as we focus on the wonderful parts of our lives, acknowledging whatever positive outcomes have come from even our most challenging situations. Let’s ask ourselves: Do I find joy in the simple things - the coffee, or is joy elusive because of the trappings - the cups - that contain my life? Let’s make a list of what makes us truly joyful and seek them out! Spring is here – the birds and buds are back – let’s stop and smell the coffee!! If you find, like we have, that they are the small things, we encourage you to look at them more closely and make the best of the simple joys in life.

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly.

We wish you a very happy week,

Susan and Dorothy

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