Starving at the Banquet of Life

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters

Compared to what lies within us.

                         - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I was sitting in the sun at the park with a friend I had, admittedly, and guiltily, chosen not to spend time with in quite awhile.  Mother Nature was doing a fabulous job making amends for the extremely long winter she had dealt us. What remained of the 45-foot snow pack frosted the surrounding mountains, which looked three dimensional against the bluest BLUE BIRD sky of the season. The melt off had produced trees and grass in shades of green I’m not even sure there are words for.  Birds sang, dogs barked, children laughed.  It was a perfect moment in time.  But lost in her litany of could’ves and should’ves, wrong doings and if onlys, my friend was missing it all.  Suddenly I realized what had kept me so distant from her these past months:  I could no longer bare the pain of watching this beautiful, talented, good woman starving at the banquet of life.

Sadly, this is a way of life for my friend, but haven’t we all, at one time or another, been stuck in the planning and recalling that life insists on; our senses momentarily blurred to the life going on around us?  There are bills to pay, leaky faucets to fix, music lessons and football games to get to, obligations and responsibilities to juggle. It seems often that something or someone has us looking ahead. And, too, don’t we sometimes need to look back on our yesterdays, calling on the lessons learned and the wonderful, and also the difficult, memories of the past to remind us how to be and who we are today?  

Living in the now is a concept most of us get intellectually, but enter reality and things can get a little murky! Everyday we have 31,536,000 NOWs in which to be the best versions of ourselves. Some of those nows require planning and remembering, dreaming and hoping.  But when we allow ourselves to get swept up in the folly of regret, worry and projection, we, too, can find ourselves starving at the banquet of life. 

When we spend our time regretting what was, we waste the moment that is.  There are no do-overs in life. Mistakes, missed opportunities, harsh words or actions cannot be taken back.  But, they can be great reminders to make better choices. They can be turning points from which to go forward and grow.  They can be opportunities from which to learn the power of acceptance, of forgiveness, of peace. Remembering should not be confused with regret.

When we spend our time worrying about what will be, we waste the moment that is.  Leo Buscalia, author of Because I’m Human and other notable books, once wrote, “Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.” We cannot create outcomes from worry.  We cannot shape the future through projection.  That is not to say, our deeds and thoughts and words do not affect our tomorrows, they do.  Living an authentic, thoughtful, kindhearted life will surely bring you better tomorrows.  And, maybe more importantly, will provide you with the strength, courage and support you may need should tomorrow present a challenge.  But we must not confuse hope with worry, or planning with projection.

To most of us, these are not great and startling revelations!  Most of us have been there and done that before.  The question then, is how to stop these time wasting, futile forays into the past and future? 

A method I have found helpful over the years is what I call “rubber band reality!” It’s a simple, yet effective way to remind myself that where my head is taking me is not where I am, or want to be. It works like this:  Whenever I find myself getting stuck in a cycle of pointless, torturous, regret and worry mind games, I get a wide rubber band and slip it on my wrist. Then, the next time I find myself unable to resist stepping back to things I can’t change, or forward to things I can’t control, I give that rubber band a BIG snap. The sting acts as a wake up call to STOP and a reminder to look around and note that in the here and now, I am safe and living exactly the life I am intended to live!  For me, it works every time. Could it work for you, too?

Life is not a flash in the pan, but rather a rich, slow-cooked stew of moments in time. It should be flavored with love and joy, not soured with regret and worry. So, whether you choose to engage the rubber band of reality or another method, or mantra, to shake you from your trance of THEN; practice leaving your regrets and worries at the doorstep, or better yet, in the trash bin, and belly on up to the table to eat heartily at the beautiful, wonderful, delicious feast that awaits you NOW!

Bon Appetite,

Dorothy

Dorothy:  I will be spending the next week with my beloved ‘other’ family at Foothill Farm in western MT, where my belly will be filled with farm raised, organic food, my eyes will be filled with the magnificence of Big Sky Country and my heart will be filled with joy!  There will not be a second to waste on THEN! 

Susan:  May we all live today as the best you possible, think gently and patiently of tomorrow, and kindly of yesterday.    

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A Vertical Perspective of Life

'The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking

new landscapes but in having new eyes.'

-Marcel Proust

Many years ago my eldest son discovered and, ultimately, mastered the sport/skill of rock climbing.  One day, after I was finally able to calm my own fears about this new passion in his life, I asked him, “Why?  Why do you love this, what does it bring to your life, why do you DO it??!!” 

After explaining some of the physical and mental challenges involved in conquering a 3000-foot vertical slab of granite, he went on to express how his climbing skills had become useful in his everyday life.  His words struck me like a hammer and left me with a visual that would return over and over again, helping me through my own personal challenges, and as a powerful gem to share with my grief groups, and in both cases – many ah-ha moments!

In contemplating my blog assignment this week, I asked Matthew to please share those words of wisdom again.  He thoughtfully and eloquently obliged.  Below are his words – and my “like life” comments:

 “………Climbing, for the most part, is a team sport (like life: almost every minute of the day we are called upon to find harmony in our interpersonal relationships). Your teammate, however, is primarily there for safety and can really do nothing to help you once you’ve begun climbing. In this respect, it is a very individualistic endeavor. It is up to you, and only you, to accomplish your objective of reaching the top. You must overcome the obstacles you encounter with your own skills and strengths (like life: once past the age when our parents/caregivers are no longer responsible for our nurturing and wellbeing, we are basically on our own to choose the paths - ascending or descending- our lives will take).

“They say that climbing is 10% rubber (chance) and 90% mental (choice). Essentially, the rubber on your shoes will stick to just about any edge you put it on. The real challenge is in knowing that you have the skills to pull that next move, (conviction, courage) even when you’re 500 ft. off the deck (haven’t we all felt like we were flying without a net at one time or another?). In this respect, climbing is very mental. Being pushed out of your comfort zone (the easiest, quickest way) and overcoming a challenge is very rewarding (making the right decision, doing the right thing = feels good!!!).

“When you climb, especially difficult routes (a reoccurring part of life), it demands your total concentration (consciousness, integrity). Your world, in essence, shrinks to the size of what you can physically reach with your hands and feet (being in the present moment). Sometimes, you may get stuck (mental/physical/spiritual/existential roadblocks), not able to find a handhold or foothold to make upward progress with (indecision, worry, lack of support, loneliness). This is the point at which you must focus (see the truth in the situation) the most. Your arms start to burn and your legs start to shake (fear, depression, feeling overwhelmed), but you know that there’s got to be another handhold somewhere (hope). So, you hold on and step your feet up just a bit higher, (faith, trust, inner knowing) even an inch or two (slow and steady wins the race), and more handhold options usually appear (success, right action = joy, happiness, fulfillment).

“Many times you find that you’ve gone the wrong way (bad decisions, things that don’t work out as you’d hoped/unexpected, life changes, mistakes) and that you just can’t make any progress no matter how hard you try, the holds just aren’t there (doing the same thing over and over with the same – undesired - result). When this happens you need to reverse your moves and figure out where you got off route (what went wrong and what part did you play in it). It all comes down to efficiency, you can’t waste your energy trying to go the wrong way (it takes just as much effort to choose to be miserable as it does to choose to be happy), you need to back up and try a different approach (helping things go right, taking responsibility for your actions, making amends) or you’ll never have the energy to make it to the top (a joyful, fulfilling, good LIFE).”  

Thank you Matthew for helping me remember that when life is an uphill climb - shifting my perspective, trusting my instincts, taking responsibility, and using my innate and acquired skills, will help me find a way to the top.  Thank you for helping me see with new eyes.

“The man at the top of the mountain did not just fall there.” (anon)

Namaste,

Dorothy

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Dorothy:  My mantra for the week:  Life’s an uphill climb – drop the rocks!

Susan:  Be careful what you wish for … because you just may get it.  I’ve heard this phrase many times throughout my life and found that it’s very sage advice.  I’m analyzing my “wishes” so that I can determine what parts of them I truly want and need to have a fulfilling life.  When I’m clear about the outcome I’m wishing for, I’ve found my authentic wishes and dreams; my best self emerges and opportunities for fulfilling dreams are easier to recognize and act on.  

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Choosing Your Destiny

Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice.
William Jennings Bryan

During the past week I’ve been reminded repeatedly that there is wonderful inspiration around us all of the time. For instance, the financial adviser going door to door in my neighborhood introducing himself to potential clients so he can build his business. After telling me about his company and about his financial expertise, he asked about my work. I took the opportunity to tell him a little bit about The 51% Project and what we hope to accomplish with the blog. Smiling and happy he told me that he understands, first hand, the power of positivity and looking on the bright side of life. Earlier in his life he lost one of his legs, but in spite of all the grim possibilities that could have befallen him, he chose to stay positive and not give up on his passions. Today he’s a champion Paralympic skier! This handsome, vibrant, and happy young man has the world by the tail because he took control of his destiny and intends to live a successful, joyful, and fulfilling life including pursuing his passionate love of ski racing.

The people we encounter who have such positive impacts on our lives seem to have something in common with each other, they are intentionally living the best life they can. It doesn’t mean that every part of their life is perfect, it just means that there is something they are passionate about and they are intentionally pursuing that passion with joy. It’s what feeds them, what gives them the energy to balance the rest of their life so they can pursue their passion. Just like the unexpected teacher who showed up on my doorstep; Dorothy and I want that for our lives, too.

We’re all teachers and coaches as well as students and apprentices wherever we are in life. You never know when you’ll meet someone who will be inspired by you, or who will be an inspiration to you. So, whether we’re walking alone, or sharing your path with someone who stepped up to lend a hand, each of us has opportunities to choose our destiny and intentionally create our path to fulfilling that destiny everyday.

We invite you to look around and find wonderful people and things that inspire you. Acknowledge that they can be anywhere. Allow for the probability that you are an inspiration to your family, friends, and associates, as well. When someone has said or done something inspiring, don’t be shy; let them know you appreciate it. When you’re open and looking for joy, you’ll be amazed where you’ll find inspiration and you’ll be delighted when you hear that you’ve inspired someone else.

SUSAN: It is my intention to author my life this week by being open to all the beauty surrounding me, especially the pure pleasure of interesting, fun, and inspiring people.

DOROTHY: Last week I had the good fortune of traveling south to the Mojave Desert in Southern California. The brown, wind blown earth was just coming alive as the desert flowers burst open to paint every vista in shades of yellow and purple! To say it was stunning is an understatement! Talk about inspiration – Mother Nature never disappoints! I actually returned home inspired by another, unexpected source, though. While away I met, and spent some time with, a remarkable woman who is grieving the recent loss of a child. Something I, and I suspect you, can’t even fathom. Yet there she was finding time to take a stranger on a hike and genuinely finding joy in sharing her knowledge with me. Clearly she was finding strength in the wonder of her surroundings, the beauty of it all giving her some sense of meaning in an otherwise broken world. She is truly living an intentional life – choosing to put her feet on the ground every morning and to somehow muster up the strength and courage to bump through another day. In spite of the depth of her sorrow and pain, in spite of how easy it would be to just pull the covers over her head; she chooses, with intention, to LIVE fully. She chooses, every day, to honor her child’s life by not giving up on her own. This is Grace. This is inspiration. This makes me wake up in the morning and say – “Oh how insignificant my troubles are.” This week I will author my life by acknowledging the inspiration and kindness of strangers.

Destiny awaits!

Susan and Dorothy

Living an Intentional Life

Intention:  an aim or objective, the quality of purposefulness.

As we move forward with the 51% Project, we are deeply touched and lifted by the stories shared by the people we’ve highlighted, and of those of you who have posted comments on these pages. In recognizing the joyful and determined lives of folks like Charley Johnson and Heather Gable, we’ve come to see a central theme in their way of being in the world.  Though they may not be as well-known (yet) as others across history who have lived intentional lives (often at their own great peril); Oskar Shindler, Martin Luther King, Paul Rusesabagina, Nelson Mandela, Captain Sully; their choices and actions are made through the conscious intention of decency and integrity everyday. 

When Susan and I first started talking about this project, she told me about a morning ritual she practices.  Each day when she awakens, she takes a few moments to write a sentence in her journal:  Today I will author my life by______________________.  Author her life = write her story, a chance to start a new chapter if so inclined or to beef up or alter the current saga unfolding, simply by stating an intention of how she wished to be that day.  Brilliant!

I loved the concept and began to employ it the very next day.  The results have been remarkable – really.  Though I often forgot the actual verbiage of the written intent by the time I get about my day; at days end, when I peek back at my entry, it’s clear my subconscious has remembered and has guided me appropriately. It’s so subtle, yet extraordinarily powerful.  The results seem to be cumulative as well.  I feel better – do better - am better - for those few moments of contemplation I am taking each day.

Though our intentions may not save the lives of millions, they may provide us, or the people we love and share the earth with, a joyful memory, a moment of grace or the feeling of peace in our sometimes-frightening world.

Whether you choose to AUTHOR your life through your heart or your hand doesn’t matter.  The important thing is to define what purposefulness means to you, and to offer up – in whatever way is comfortable to you – your intention to make it be.

Dorothy:  A peek at my intentions this week:  Today I will author my life by……being a witness and not a judge, remembering to breathe, giving someone the benefit of a doubt, smiling at strangers, being quiet, giving more hugs, trusting it will all work out………………….

SUSAN:  Last summer I began looking closely at the people I interact with in my work life as well as my personal life. I identified what I saw as a change that has occurred in the past few years in everyone’s way of looking at life. I described it in my journal as a frantic, swirling, compulsion to protect ourselves, our jobs, our families, our finances. Everyone, including me, seemed quick to react with aggression and without thinking about a positive outcome, a win/win if you will.  It seemed to me that we’d all given up on the belief in a happy life and instead turned to frustration and fear about the changes occurring in our world.  I didn’t like this feeling and decided to do something about it.  As I considered how to improve my outlook I remembered something I was taught years ago as a technique for creating successful sales calls … visualize the desired result before you walk into the appointment.  Just like an athlete, see the entire encounter it in your minds eye. See/feel yourself entering the meeting confident and purposeful, see/feel your prepared presentation going perfectly, the client’s responses being positive, and leaving the meeting having been awarded the sale. I read about authoring your life every day and liked the idea because it was a simple way to create my day using the same principle I’d learned about successful selling. Every morning I began writing what I wanted out of the day and, like Dorothy, found that I didn’t think about my entry during the day, but when I reviewed it in the evening I’d almost always had the kind of day I’d intended.  Some of my entries have been: “I will author my life today by letting go of the old and inviting in new positive experiences.” “Today will be a day filled with energy and accomplishment.”  “Today is a day to enjoy being out in the mountains, clearing my mind and defining what’s important to me.”  “Today I will be authentic in all of my conversations.” I hope this gives you some ideas about creating an intention for your day … a way to create a purposeful and fulfilling life.

Do you have a story to share – yours or someone you know?  Please tell us about it!  You can email your suggestions to: dmsa51@51percent.us and we’ll contact you.  Remember – this is a PROJECT and the more we share the better we ALL will be!  Thank you for your kind words and acknowledgements.

Live with intention!

Dorothy and Susan