Gratitude and Grace

“When you are grateful fear disappears

and abundance appears.”

~ Anthony Robbins

I was smack in the middle of an “I don’t have a thing to wear” moment, with most of the contents of my closet strewn across the bed and floor, when gratitude first entered my live in a conscious way.  Already late for work, I finally threw on a suitable ensemble and dashed to the kitchen to grab a quick breakfast. Standing in front of my open fridge; full to the brim with good, nutritional foods, sweet treats and a jug of clean water – it hit me:  While I was furiously rummaging through my closet FULL of quality clothing - cursing the clothes gods for my lack, and then there fretting in a kitchen stocked to extravagance, 1,000’s, no, 100’s of 1,000’s of women across the globe, likely dressed in their only item of clothing, had been on the move for hours, and would likely spend the rest of the day searching for something their family could eat. The image literally brought me to my knees.  It was an AH-HA moment that struck like lightening and has remained with me ever since.

I spent the next few days in hyper- conscious thought around all my good fortune and its contrast to the many who had so much less. Recalling how inconvenienced I felt when my car broke down and I had to rely on family members to transport me to and from my daily labors for a few days, I thought about the millions of men and women who awakened in the dark to start the long hours of maneuvering through the public transportation system to ultimately reach their work place (where they likely earned barely a living wage).  I recalled the fear and anxiety I felt when my Mom became ill and entered the medical system for the first time, and about the people who carried their loved ones for miles and days, in hopes that the visiting nurse in a hut in the next village might have something to ease their pain.  I thought about the many wonderful vacations I’ve enjoyed with family and friends, and then of all the people who, because of their circumstances, had never left the towns or villages of their birth, had never seen the ocean or a forest.

Gratefully, I resisted the temptation to sell all my material goods and run off to save a third world country, and instead came to this realization:  it is not for us to lord our good fortune over others, nor to discard the gifts we are given, but to receive, with gratitude, that which comes our way and share it, where we can, through compassion, kindness and love. 

That is what I’ve tried to do, in some small way, each day since that morning on my knees in front of the refrigerator. Since then I’ve been committed to being grateful everyday, thoughtfully finding and acknowledging (I keep a gratitude journal) the Grace in my life, the blue of the sky, the laughter of my grandson, the good fortune of having a safe car. And since I started my practice of gratitude, my life has become even more full of things and people to be grateful for and I am.

I encourage you to choose gratitude as your attitude this week – and see what happens. Then, please share your experiences here at The 51 Percent Project blog or on our FB page: The 51% Project.  Your stories keep us inspired, and encourage others’ as well.  Thank you.

Namaste,

Dorothy

We hope you are finding our daily Facebook posts inspiring.  If you missed this week’s offerings, please enjoy them below.

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.

It turns what we have into enough, and more.

It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity.

It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home,

a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past,

brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.”

~ Melody Beattie

“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the

highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.”

~ John F. Kennedy

“Gratitude is when memory is stored in

the heart and not in the mind.”

~ Lionel Hampton

“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy;

 they are the charming gardeners

who make our souls blossom.”

~ Marcel Proust

“We often take for granted the very things

that most deserve our gratitude.”

 ~ Cynthia Ozick

“Wake at dawn with a winged heart

and give thanks for another day of loving.”

 ~ Kahlil Gibran

Living a Gracious and Joyful Life

She was one of those happily created beings who please without effort, 

make friends everywhere, and take life so gracefully and easily

that less fortunate souls are tempted to believe 

that such are born under a lucky star.

-Louisa May Alcott

With luck, most of us have the wonderful experience of knowing someone who seems to have life all figured out.  This person speaks their mind honestly and without malice, looks at each situation without threat or fear, and finds joy in every day.  Such is a happy person.

Happy people seem to effortlessly create more happiness, and even when life throws them a curve ball they catch it gracefully and know precisely the right thing to do next.  They are easy about life and don’t get caught up in a harried and frantic world.  They enjoy themselves in each situation, they love that others’ dreams are fulfilled, and they look for the best in everyone and every situation.   I believe that they know what is truly important in life and understand where they find the most joy.  And finding that joy is their ultimate goal. 

There are many old adages like “birds of a feather flock together” and “be careful what you wish for, you might get it”.  I try to take those sayings to heart and place myself, as often as absolutely possible, in the company of those remarkable souls who are fun, interesting, excited about life, and adventuresome.  Their happiness inspires me to make choices that lead to more interesting experiences.  To keep myself moving toward my dream of an interesting and fun-filled life, I’ve created a master dream list and I add every fun and interesting experience I can think of to that list.  I keep it on my computer, because that’s easiest for me, and I can easily add to it as I get more ideas.   It’s fun to create the list, and it’s even more fun to check off my accomplishments.   Of course, that means there’s lots more room for new dreams and experiences!

I’ve found that you really do get what you wish for, so why not wish for wonderful friendships, a happy and close family, the love and support of someone special, and exciting experiences that enrich life? 

As I continue to shed some of the old habits of my life I’ve found my life is easier, less stressful, and so much more satisfying.  It isn’t always easy or comfortable to follow through on my choice to spend my time with people who live gracefully and easily, but it’s always well worth the effort.  I feel like I’ve finally aligned myself with my heart.  I feel easier about my life and more able to express my thoughts and feelings with less stress and discomfort.   I look forward to the continuing experience of life.

Have a wonderful week!

Susan

SUSAN:  This year has been an amazing growth experience for me.  I’m very grateful for the people I’ve met, long time friends who continue to touch my heart, and those from whom I’ve learned so much.

DOROTHY:  To my good fortune, my life is full of chronically happy people – they are a joy and inspiration, and a great insulator from the dream snatchers and nay-slayers who sometimes cross my path.  I choose not to spend much time with the latter, as the negative affect they have on me is so uncomfortable it becomes a palpable physical, as well as, emotional distress I am no longer able to tolerate.  As in tending a garden – so it is in life as well, every so often you have to pull out that which is detrimental to the beauty and health of the whole. 

Gifts from the Sea

The sea does not reward those who are too anxious,

too greedy, or too impatient. One should lie empty, open,

choiceless as a beach - waiting for a gift from the sea.
Anne Morrow Lindbergh

There is something about being near the sea that changes me. The juxtaposition of fury and serenity settles beneath my skin to my cells and soul, helping me to renew my acceptance of the ebb and flow of life. I am always changed and better for the experience.

Recently I had the great pleasure of spending three weeks by the sea, up the coasts of New Hampshire and Maine, and around the Canadian Provinces of New Brunswick and Nova Scotia. It was an awesome, incredible, breathtaking and jaw-dropping journey. But, in spite of the excitement and joy that comes with great adventures, I also carried with me a deep sadness and great concern as some people I love were experiencing great loss and difficult challenges in their lives at the time of my departure.

Then one evening, on the shore of Peggy’s Cove, on the Southern coast of Nova Scotia, the waves wild in the wake of hurricane Lee, I saw that even after being tossed and tumbled by the fierceness and rage of an angry sea, the beach and shells and rocks and bits of washed up glass had come to rest at last; glistening in the sun, rough edges smoothed, beautiful in a new and triumphant way. And I knew that my loved ones though tossed and tumbled by the harsh, tumultuous occurrences currently in their life, would one day also be glistening in the sun, softened and peaceful again. I was filled with joy and gratitude.

Beyond the heart and head filling memories and images gathered along the way of my travels, I have returned with something else: a gift from the sea – the gift of hope and peace, and a renewal of faith that life, like the sea, will be full of highs and lows, of rage and stillness but if we lay ourselves open to its cycles, trusting that calm will come after the storm, we will arrive on shores worth reaching.

In the vastness of our surroundings there is always something that can show us the way to a deeper knowing.  Whether a small shell or a great ocean, there are truths and wisdom to be learned from nature.  Take the time to see and listen – you’ll be grateful for the gifts.

Happy Trails,

D

 Peggy's Cove, Nova Scotia

Dorothy  There were other gifts along the way as well:  The comfort and joy of spending time with dear and special friends, the rekindling of long ago friendships with people who still have the power to make me a better person, and the companionship of the quintessential traveling buddy; an extraordinary women with whom I look forward to always taking the scenic route, on the road and in life.

Susan  I'm in one of the "calm water" segments of life.  But, that doesn't mean I don't have concerns, or trials every day.  Despite some random uneasiness, I'm enjoying the respite this calm brings, because I've been here before and know that the one constant in life is change. Change comes in many forms but, I believe it shines light on something that needs to be reviewed, therefore, it's productive and helps me better myself.

Starving at the Banquet of Life

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters

Compared to what lies within us.

                         - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I was sitting in the sun at the park with a friend I had, admittedly, and guiltily, chosen not to spend time with in quite awhile.  Mother Nature was doing a fabulous job making amends for the extremely long winter she had dealt us. What remained of the 45-foot snow pack frosted the surrounding mountains, which looked three dimensional against the bluest BLUE BIRD sky of the season. The melt off had produced trees and grass in shades of green I’m not even sure there are words for.  Birds sang, dogs barked, children laughed.  It was a perfect moment in time.  But lost in her litany of could’ves and should’ves, wrong doings and if onlys, my friend was missing it all.  Suddenly I realized what had kept me so distant from her these past months:  I could no longer bare the pain of watching this beautiful, talented, good woman starving at the banquet of life.

Sadly, this is a way of life for my friend, but haven’t we all, at one time or another, been stuck in the planning and recalling that life insists on; our senses momentarily blurred to the life going on around us?  There are bills to pay, leaky faucets to fix, music lessons and football games to get to, obligations and responsibilities to juggle. It seems often that something or someone has us looking ahead. And, too, don’t we sometimes need to look back on our yesterdays, calling on the lessons learned and the wonderful, and also the difficult, memories of the past to remind us how to be and who we are today?  

Living in the now is a concept most of us get intellectually, but enter reality and things can get a little murky! Everyday we have 31,536,000 NOWs in which to be the best versions of ourselves. Some of those nows require planning and remembering, dreaming and hoping.  But when we allow ourselves to get swept up in the folly of regret, worry and projection, we, too, can find ourselves starving at the banquet of life. 

When we spend our time regretting what was, we waste the moment that is.  There are no do-overs in life. Mistakes, missed opportunities, harsh words or actions cannot be taken back.  But, they can be great reminders to make better choices. They can be turning points from which to go forward and grow.  They can be opportunities from which to learn the power of acceptance, of forgiveness, of peace. Remembering should not be confused with regret.

When we spend our time worrying about what will be, we waste the moment that is.  Leo Buscalia, author of Because I’m Human and other notable books, once wrote, “Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.” We cannot create outcomes from worry.  We cannot shape the future through projection.  That is not to say, our deeds and thoughts and words do not affect our tomorrows, they do.  Living an authentic, thoughtful, kindhearted life will surely bring you better tomorrows.  And, maybe more importantly, will provide you with the strength, courage and support you may need should tomorrow present a challenge.  But we must not confuse hope with worry, or planning with projection.

To most of us, these are not great and startling revelations!  Most of us have been there and done that before.  The question then, is how to stop these time wasting, futile forays into the past and future? 

A method I have found helpful over the years is what I call “rubber band reality!” It’s a simple, yet effective way to remind myself that where my head is taking me is not where I am, or want to be. It works like this:  Whenever I find myself getting stuck in a cycle of pointless, torturous, regret and worry mind games, I get a wide rubber band and slip it on my wrist. Then, the next time I find myself unable to resist stepping back to things I can’t change, or forward to things I can’t control, I give that rubber band a BIG snap. The sting acts as a wake up call to STOP and a reminder to look around and note that in the here and now, I am safe and living exactly the life I am intended to live!  For me, it works every time. Could it work for you, too?

Life is not a flash in the pan, but rather a rich, slow-cooked stew of moments in time. It should be flavored with love and joy, not soured with regret and worry. So, whether you choose to engage the rubber band of reality or another method, or mantra, to shake you from your trance of THEN; practice leaving your regrets and worries at the doorstep, or better yet, in the trash bin, and belly on up to the table to eat heartily at the beautiful, wonderful, delicious feast that awaits you NOW!

Bon Appetite,

Dorothy

Dorothy:  I will be spending the next week with my beloved ‘other’ family at Foothill Farm in western MT, where my belly will be filled with farm raised, organic food, my eyes will be filled with the magnificence of Big Sky Country and my heart will be filled with joy!  There will not be a second to waste on THEN! 

Susan:  May we all live today as the best you possible, think gently and patiently of tomorrow, and kindly of yesterday.    

We'd love to hear you thoughts and stories - please add a comment here, or join us on Facebook and post a comment there (and a LIKE:-) - just search for The 51% Project. We thank you, as always, for your continued support and acknowledgment!

What Do You Stand For?

I think somehow we learn who we really are
and then live with that decision.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Growth and accomplishment, meeting challenges and goals has always been important to me as a means of measuring my own success. Being perceived as good at what I do is important to my self esteem. Most of my life I have felt driven to do what was necessary to win. However, sometimes in my zeal to be accomplished, I haven’t spoken from my heart. When I replay those conversations in my head I always ask myself “why didn’t I just say what I really thought?”

We started The 51% Project to share lessons learned on the path to creating joyful lives. One of these lessons is how important it is to identify what we stand for, it’s crucial to being authentic and speaking our truth. It simplifies relationships and keeps us tuned in to our best self.

After cleaning my windows this week I was delighted by the small details outside that I’d missed looking through rain spots. Similarly, I’ve found that identifying what I stand for and speaking from my heart has removed debris and heaviness from my mind. I’m able to notice and enjoy the happy details of my life. My life is less complicated and I’m so much more joyful.

Life is full of choices about how to react to our families, our neighbors, co-workers, and strangers in the market. Responding with kindness and honesty is simple when my mind is clear of the clutter and debris of not living and speaking authentically. Living a happy life, in many cases, means living a more simple life, and being authentic about my feelings simplifies my life.

Life is supposed to be fun! Live simply, live in honesty, live in joy, live authentically

Susan: This weekend we’re celebrating my Mom’s 98th birthday and the entire family will be with us at our home. It will be a perfect opportunity for me to practice authenticity and joyful expression.

Dorothy: One of our new Facebook friends, you can find their link on The 51% Project page, is an organization called The Good Week. They have designated next week, June 20 – 26, a week in which to focus our individual and collective good out into the world. I encourage you to check out their Facebook page or website. And, I hope you’ll join them in their quest. Imagine the outcome if we all (6,897,588,739 at this writing) do one extra good deed, offer one extra word of kindness, think one extra good thought, every day next week. We are the world and when we choose to make a difference – we can! Good luck to the The Good Week project!!!!


Happy Father’s Day to all Dad’s out there!
Susan and Dorothy

What Makes You Happiest?

We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all that we need to make us really happy is something to be enthusiastic about.
- Charles Kingsley

The 51% Project is all about finding joy and happiness in our lives, and passing on those gifts to everyone we meet. Making the choice to be happy is a personal choice, but so very important.

When I was talking about The 51% Project with some friends this past weekend, I was reminded of a conversation I had with a another friend recently. As I explained the concept of changing your perspective to think positively just 1% more than you did yesterday, my friend exclaimed “Oh! Of course, you just need to choose to put forward 1% more effort to be happier. Happiness is a choice.” I couldn’t have said it better myself, thank you Pat!

Being in a happy frame of mind helps me simplify my thinking and, therefore, my life. I find that it’s very helpful to make lists of the things that make me happy. Creating the lists, and referring to them later, makes me feel wonderful. To get started, I like to sit quietly, breath deeply and then begin writing as things that make me happy come to mind. I carry a small notebook with me so I can make these lists wherever I happen to be.

Here are some of things on my happiness list. What Makes You Happy?

Watching the sunrise when the sky is pink and the breeze is soft
Walking in the forest hearing the leaves crunch beneath my feet
Playing with my cats
Skiing with friends
Laughing with friends
Enjoying a wonderful meal with family and friends
Driving through a beautiful landscape on a bright, sunny day
Trying a new flavor or ice cream
Finding the perfect pair of shoes
Finding the perfect outfit to go with the perfect shoes
Sitting on a beach laughing with friends
Skiing in soft snow on a blue bird day
Making lists of things that make me happy
Being in love
Being with good friends and people who live happy lives
Exploring new places
Feeling the warm breeze on my skin
Beautiful flowers
Happy conversations
Coffee with friends
Writing in my intention journal
Getting to know new people
Hearing about their interesting lives
Walking into a just cleaned house
The smell of pine trees in the forest

Writing these lists is a wonderful exercise that never fails to make me feel happy and inspired, grateful for all of the goodness in my life. We encourage you to try making your own lists and hope that they inspire you as well. We wish you all a wonderful week full of inspiration and joyful encounters.

Susan and Dorothy

Susan: I’ve been spending time getting our outdoor furniture spruced up for summer and have found that the repetitive nature of sanding, staining, and painting has given me clear space to clean out the cobwebs in my mind, reminding myself to keep what feels good and discard what isn’t useful. I’m clearing the clutter of my mind and it is enriching.

Dorothy: Here are some things from my happiness list:

My grandson’s face
My family around the dinner table
Friends who still matter, in spite of the years and miles that separate us
Petting the soft part of a dog’s ear
Mountain Bluebirds
The smell of the ocean
Children singing
Remembering my parents’ voices
The desert after a rainstorm
The words “I love you”

Thank you for your support and encouragement, we truly appreciate your comments! Join us on The 51% Project Facebook page.

We Never Know.................

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,

but by the moments that take our breath away.

                                                     Hilary Cooper

Last week many of us, myself among them, spent at least a little bit of our time mocking a wiry old man for his doomsday beliefs and predictions.  Then Joplin Missouri was obliterated. And, like the people along the flooded banks of the Mississippi and in Tuscaloosa Alabama weeks before, people in small towns in Oklahoma, Arkansas and Kansas had to start framing their lives in the before and after of great destruction. For these people, the world, as they knew it, did come to an end.

Brought to my knees by the stunning images of the devastation inflicted upon so many, I was also lifted by the amazing capacity of the human spirit. To stand in the midst of the rubble, the bits and pieces of your life scattered for miles around you, and say, “I’ll be okay, I’ll start over,” requires an incomprehensible amount of courage and faith.  I hope it sees them through. To see the men and women of the National Guard, many just back from Afghanistan, there on a different kind of front-line, doing what needs doing; made me again, so thankful for their commitment to our country. The unimaginable stories of survival, sacrifice and kindness, greatly humbled me.

The events of the week have reminded me that life is precious and also fleeting. So, I hope the man and his two children, expecting to be home for dinner, weren’t in too much of a hurry to get to Home Depot to stop and kiss their wife and mother good-bye before they left. And, that the last words of the shopper in line at Walmart were in appreciation of the courtesy provided by the clerk. And, that the nurse, rushing to complete his duties, noticed that the patient in room 102 was feeling lonely and needed just a few more minutes of his time.

As A. C. Grayling points out in his Humanist Bible, “You are an actor in a drama, of which the author is jointly you and matters beyond your control.” We do not know what lies ahead. That, in itself, is reason enough to choose, not out of fear, but out of a consciousness of reality, to make our lives matter, everyday, in every way.

We can choose to be impeccable in our words and deeds. We can pick our battles, practice patience and kindness, make amends….say “I’m sorry,” and “I forgive you,” do the right thing – even when it’s the hard thing, be a dream maker not a dream snatcher, laugh more, judge less, and above all, love one another as if there were no tomorrows.

Be Breathless!

Dorothy

Dorothy:  On this, the 47^th anniversary of my sixteenth birthday, I send thanks to my parents, wherever they are, for this life, and to my family and friends for filling it with so much love and joy.

Susan:  The time we spend with those we love, as well as with those who are in love with life is precious.  It’s my intention to continue finding and cherishing friends, old and new, who truly love.  They are the most precious gems.

 On this Memorial Day weekend, we honor our country’s fallen heros, and those who loved them, for their service and ultimate sacrifice.  Let us not forget how much they gave for our freedom, and today, for them, make it matter.

Getting out of the Blame Game

"Take your life in your own hands and what happens?

A terrible thing: no one is to blame."

                                                 Erica Jong

Fellow blogger and remarkable sage, Dorothy Mendoza Row, shared this profound insight recently:  “If you are refusing to be happy because of an external circumstance, or the behavior of someone that is not you, then you have given up the responsibility for your life to someone or something that most likely does not want it. To blame someone or something else for your own negative feelings is to bind yourself to stagnant misery, blocking your ability to move forward. If your situation is not changeable, then it is you who must change.”

Haven’t we all, at one time or another, shirked the responsibility of our actions or thoughts or happiness, and laid blame on someone or something else?  I am certainly guilty!  I can’t even count the number of times the circumstances and outcomes of my life have been branded the fault of my parents, my siblings, my spouse, my children, my boss, my teacher, my friend, my government, someone else’s government, the weather, the news, that store, that movie. My stuff handed off to people and things that, as Ms. Row stated, they don’t want, and for the most part, don’t even care that I’ve made them responsible for.   How easy it is to give away what we don’t want to face or accept. 

This is not to say that outside sources don’t affect us. They do. But still, it is ultimately our choice as to how we will adapt to other people’s actions, or allow other things to influence our own. “It is not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters,” Epictetus.

When I choose to sit in front of the television watching the same, awful footage of the latest world calamity for hours on end, it is not the newscasters’ fault that I am inpatient with the grocery store clerk; it is my fault for not turning off the TV.   When my spouse chooses to decline the invitation to join me on a walk, it is not his fault that I’m “stuck in the house” and behaving badly; it is my fault for either not going by myself or choosing another activity to enjoy – together or alone, and it is my fault for not respecting his decision and making it my unhappiness. 

These are examples of the daily blame putting we engage in. Of course, there are bigger, MUCH bigger events and circumstances in our lives that we give or gave cause to someone else’s blame.  I didn’t go to college because they…I didn’t apply for that job because he...I gave up the fight because the…I’m in a bad mood because…I was rude because…Feel free to add your own becauses here. Now, go back and fill in the blanks with the REAL REASONS the thing you did or said or thought occurred:  Because I didn’t put in the effort, because I didn’t think about what I was saying, because I chose not to fight for it, because he made me feel……

The people and things in our lives must, of course, be part of our considerations regarding the way we are in the world. But the things we do, think and say are a result of how we, and only we, choose to use what we get, the effort or lack of effort we choose to put forth, the decisions we make to be happy or not. 

As with all lies, blame placing will spin a web of complicated stories to maintain and justify, for months, years, decades and even lifetimes. But, as with truth, owning the circumstances that make up your life, good and bad, will set you free to clean up the messes and move on, assuring you of more joyful relationships with yourself and others. In our humanness we will all take a wrong turn now and then, the thing to remember is this:  choice gives us the opportunity to get it right the next time.

Namaste,

Dorothy

Dorothy: I had a lovely Mother’s Day weekend with family and friends. I hope whatever filled your days was also pleasant.  My long-time and very dear friend was visiting with her beautiful daughter and adorable 3-year-old grandson. It was so good to have our families mingling again (those not able to join us were surely missed.)  As it is when two old crones get together, there was lots of laughter and lots of gut spilling, and dreams and fears and joys and disappointments to be shared. Oh, the trials and tribulations of ancient relationships and raising children and still, after all these years, the work of trying to figure it all out. What would we do, who would we be without our friends? I was particularly moved by one extraordinary moment:  As I sat on the stairs overlooking the mess in the kitchen, the noise in the living room, observing the mostly cherished and sometimes annoying behaviors of our combined families; this wee little boy, far from his familiar surrounds and in the company of people he is still getting know, climbed up on a chair in front of me and said, “I love it here.” He did not see the mess or hear the noise or measure the annoying or cherished behaviors, instead he felt the love we all have for one another – in spite of our human foibles and family baggage  – and that was enough to make him feel secure and happy.  He loved it here.  I vow to try to remember his lesson:  People may not remember what you say, or what you do – but they will always remember how you make them feel.

Susan:  I’ve spent the past two weeks in paradise with wonderful friends.  It’s been a time of indulgence and excess; excess sun, fun, eating, views, and friendly visits.  I’ve been so touched by the generosity and love shown to us.  Spending this time with people who aren’t family, but who you meant to choose as family, has been inspiring, relaxing, and healing.  Dinners without fuss, spent enjoying the food and wine and best of all, the company just can’t be beat.  Thank you my dear, dear friends.

Please visit Dorothy Mendoza Row’s inspiring blog: www.mysticalsunshine.blogspot.com

And, don’t forget to “Like” us on our Facebook page, pass along our link if you see fit, and keep coming back.  We so appreciate your support!

S & D

Happiness and Perception

Play grows in the soil of a cheerful heart
Mary Anne Radmacher

How did the happiest people you know get to be so happy? It’s easy to say that they live charmed lives, were born with a silver spoon in their mouth, or have had every advantage, but generally that’s not the case. In fact, typically they are ordinary souls with jobs, aging parents, children, siblings, friends, neighbors, yard work, and the challenges that come with each. They’re pretty much just like the rest of us, except they seem to be happier more of the time. And not just happier, it seems to be a special kind of happy; somehow more deeply felt, more “all over happy” despite the fact that they live in the same world, drive the same highways, and have many of the same experiences as the rest of us.

You notice I said “they have many of the same experiences” as us. It seems that the same circumstance that brings one person to tears and teeth gnashing, only brings on slight discomfort to those in the happiest group. Moreover, they get through the difficulty sooner and move on to more happiness. Now the question is how do they do it?

Malcolm Gladwell’s “The Tipping Point”, talks about kids born in the first months of the year and their increased odds of becoming exceptional at a sport vs. kids on the same team who were born nearer the cut off date. Because those born earlier in the year are a few months older, they’re bigger, stronger and more coordinated than the kids born in the later part of the year and they’re more likely to be picked for the “A” team and get more attention from the coaches, and more practice time. The more they practice, the better they get and the more they feel special, so they practice more and get even better … practice makes perfect. It doesn’t mean that the kids born later have any less talent; they’re just smaller and tend not to get as much practice as the bigger kids on the team. But, if the smaller kids love their sport and make a conscious decision to be terrific at it and they practice like crazy, they’re going to excel.

My working theory about the happiest people I know is much the same. Maybe they were born to parents with a high happiness quotient and inherited it from them. Or maybe they just didn’t like the way un-happiness looked and felt and decided to be different, to practice finding happiness. Whatever the reason they seem to have made a conscious choice to be happy; it’s their overriding personality trait. They seem to wake up in the morning happy or at least content and work their way to happy as the day progresses.

Practice, practice, practice. The more we practice being happy, the more we increase our ability to find happiness in everyday moments. It doesn’t mean that you’re a Pollyanna or blissfully happy every moment of every day … but maybe it does mean that you’ve learned to take several deep breaths, put on a big smile and your favorite outfit and march out into the day with the overriding intention to be happy … or at least to fake it till you make it.

When I was in high school people told me they liked seeing me in the hall because I was always so happy. It wasn’t because I had a perfect life, or felt like I belonged, or that I was exceptional at any sport or intellectual pursuit, or a member of the “in” crowd; but I do believe one thing was different about me that gave me an advantage. I liked feeling happy; in fact I liked it better than anything else and therefore practiced the outward indications of being happy all day, every day. It worked for me.

We encourage you to practice smiling and finding happiness in the moments of your day. Put on a big smile, even if you feel out of sorts, and see if it makes it easier for you to find joyful moments more easily. We believe it will make a difference. Try smiling at least 51% of the day … never give up, just keep smiling. We believe practicing being happy works, it’s worked in our lives and we hope you’ll find it works in yours, too.

SUSAN: I’ve had a stressful couple of weeks trying to sort out my desires and wishes and I’m still working through my feelings. But, I’m even more convinced that when you let negativity through the filter of your life, you’ll find more negativity around you. I don’t like negativity, it’s depressing and frankly, inconvenient. It takes time and energy away from more pleasant undertakings. So I’m consciously putting on the smile, letting my heart find fun, and moving on.

DOROTHY: I’m practicing being happy this week – and it’s been soooooo easy! A very dear friend is in town, I’ve been finalizing my autumn trip to Nova Scotia with another special friend, my lovely friend and blog partner is warming her bones and soul on the beach, my family is healthy and happy, and THE SUN IS OUT AT LAST!!!! Feel good do good!!! PAY IT FORWARD!!!!

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We hope you have a wonderful weekend with your families and friends and carry that fun through the entire week. Happy Mother’s Day ladies! - Susan and Dorothy

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Looking for Best Selves

“I see you”

The Na’vi greeting from The Avatar

Since writing about societal obliviousness 3 weeks ago, I’ve increased my effort to give my best to others and notice and acknowledge the best in everyone I meet. I’m finding, for the most part, that I’m getting “best selves” in return. I’ve had some wonderful and surprising encounters and most surprising of all is how many times I’m the benefactor of the kindness of others! Walking downtown, a stranger walking the opposite direction looked me in the eye, smiled, and wished me good morning … that simple interaction boosted my spirits and made me smile. His simple action told me he was happy and willing to share that joy with me. I felt happy when I recently saw a co-worker from another city and he greeted me with a big grin and a warm hug. But, the most surprising and delightful interaction happened this past weekend while I was traveling on business in Boise, ID. I’d arrived in the evening after a rough flight, feeling awful, and with a terrible headache. I went to a small restaurant for a bowl of hot soup before settling in for the night. As I held the door for a couple leaving the restaurant, they told me the restaurant was unable to serve any more food because so many guests were staying to listen to the live music and occupying all of the tables.

This was their first visit to this restaurant and they were clearly disappointed not to be able to eat there as they’d driven some distance for the experience. Instead of being indignant they were calm, smiling, friendly and open. Trying to be helpful, I recommended another nearby restaurant, gave them directions, and suggested they follow me there if it sounded like a good choice to them. They happily agreed and asked if I would like to join them for dinner. I was surprised, but comfortable with them, and curious about why we all came together in the doorway of this tiny restaurant and so I agreed to join them. Our conversation throughout dinner was quick paced, interesting, filled with fun and energy. They are a charming and delight-filled couple who have lived in many cities and have wonderful life experiences which they graciously shared with me (and they both have the most beautiful, sparkling eyes I can ever remember seeing). When we left the restaurant, I felt happy and my headache was relieved. Meeting them reminded me that being open and expecting to meet the best in people improves our lives and I believe I’m a better person because I met Ardi and Les. I will think of them with delight and gratitude always.

Maybe these happy interactions are isolated events, but they seem to be happening with more frequency; or maybe I’m just noticing them more. Maybe this is pay it forward in action. If it is, I feel like I’m the greatest beneficiary of positive action.

SUSAN: Am I having these joyful experiences because I’ve given joy to others? Are they learning opportunities to remind me to interact joyfully with others and give me new ideas about how I can be my best self? Whatever their purpose, they give me renewed faith in the goodness of mankind and I am grateful for them and renew my commitment to look for ways to benefit others, and to be willing to accept the kindness others offer.

DOROTHY: In my quest to “right” my life, to practice putting the 51% Theory to work in making changes I see as necessary, I am learning to accept the idea that I am just human and so, do human things. I make mistakes, I make bad decisions, I judge, I hold anger, I gossip, I __________(fill in the blank). And so there are days – even weeks - in my mostly joyful way of being in the world that still present great challenges. How can I stay in that positive place when confronted with this humanness? I’ve found that resisting the negative feelings or circumstances that arise only intensifies, and often prolongs, the discomfort. But, when I allow myself to feel the anger (frustration, disappointment…..), when I say out loud, “I’m Pissed right now” and acknowledge the presence of these “disturbances “ as part of my humanness and not some glaring, permanent flaw in my character, the thought or situation is less likely to spin me into my ugly twin. Instead of beating myself up for letting down my positive guard, I can now more easily choose to put “it” down and move on. For me, writing is the safety net. I write what I’m feeling, try to determine why, and then put it in a BIG PICTURE perspective, “will it matter 10 years from now, 3 weeks from now, 2 days from now?” Usually, no, and usually that’s all it takes to help me choose not to be a victim of my humanness but to just be in it for the moment and then let it go! It’s working for me. WOW, maybe you CAN teach an old dog new tricks!!!

Enjoy the upcoming week!

Susan and Dorothy

Are you having similar experiences? We’d love to hear how positive action is benefiting you! Please let us know by going to Facebook and searching for The 51% Project. If you enjoy the blog, please “like” us on The 51% Project Facebook page and share our page with your friends and family.

If you would like to receive personal notification of new posts, please send your request and email to: dmsa51@51percent.us and we will be happy to oblige. Thank you for your support and encouragement!