Gifts from the Sea

The sea does not reward those who are too anxious,

too greedy, or too impatient. One should lie empty, open,

choiceless as a beach - waiting for a gift from the sea.
Anne Morrow Lindbergh

There is something about being near the sea that changes me. The juxtaposition of fury and serenity settles beneath my skin to my cells and soul, helping me to renew my acceptance of the ebb and flow of life. I am always changed and better for the experience.

Recently I had the great pleasure of spending three weeks by the sea, up the coasts of New Hampshire and Maine, and around the Canadian Provinces of New Brunswick and Nova Scotia. It was an awesome, incredible, breathtaking and jaw-dropping journey. But, in spite of the excitement and joy that comes with great adventures, I also carried with me a deep sadness and great concern as some people I love were experiencing great loss and difficult challenges in their lives at the time of my departure.

Then one evening, on the shore of Peggy’s Cove, on the Southern coast of Nova Scotia, the waves wild in the wake of hurricane Lee, I saw that even after being tossed and tumbled by the fierceness and rage of an angry sea, the beach and shells and rocks and bits of washed up glass had come to rest at last; glistening in the sun, rough edges smoothed, beautiful in a new and triumphant way. And I knew that my loved ones though tossed and tumbled by the harsh, tumultuous occurrences currently in their life, would one day also be glistening in the sun, softened and peaceful again. I was filled with joy and gratitude.

Beyond the heart and head filling memories and images gathered along the way of my travels, I have returned with something else: a gift from the sea – the gift of hope and peace, and a renewal of faith that life, like the sea, will be full of highs and lows, of rage and stillness but if we lay ourselves open to its cycles, trusting that calm will come after the storm, we will arrive on shores worth reaching.

In the vastness of our surroundings there is always something that can show us the way to a deeper knowing.  Whether a small shell or a great ocean, there are truths and wisdom to be learned from nature.  Take the time to see and listen – you’ll be grateful for the gifts.

Happy Trails,

D

 Peggy's Cove, Nova Scotia

Dorothy  There were other gifts along the way as well:  The comfort and joy of spending time with dear and special friends, the rekindling of long ago friendships with people who still have the power to make me a better person, and the companionship of the quintessential traveling buddy; an extraordinary women with whom I look forward to always taking the scenic route, on the road and in life.

Susan  I'm in one of the "calm water" segments of life.  But, that doesn't mean I don't have concerns, or trials every day.  Despite some random uneasiness, I'm enjoying the respite this calm brings, because I've been here before and know that the one constant in life is change. Change comes in many forms but, I believe it shines light on something that needs to be reviewed, therefore, it's productive and helps me better myself.

Defensive Driving and Other Good Choices

Life is the sum of all your choices.

  ~Albert Camus

Have you seen the car commercial where they simulate a crash and, upon impact and airbag deployment, the driver turns off the ignition, turns on the hazard lights and unlocks the doors – disaster averted!  It’s slowed down to about 30 seconds of viewing but probably equates to 3 seconds in real time. The assumption being that in 3 seconds - a heartbeat, a blink of the eye  - actions were taken that saved this man’s life.  Of course, the selling point of car in the commercial is that it comes equipped with these safe guards, its computers churn into action should an impact occur, so no human action – or thought - is required. 

We humans have to rely on our own good sense to prevent crashing into obstacles, though.  We have to mentally, and sometimes physically, turn off the knee jerk, old tape, ego based reactions to things that press our buttons, or are destructive to our or others’ happiness or well-being.  Though unlike the car in the commercial that automatically switches to safe-mode when things are going wrong, gratefully, we do have the capacity to override our human tendencies…it’s called choice.

The car commercial images flashed in my mind the other day when I found myself crashing into a situation with a guaranteed bad outcome. So, like the man in the commercial, I made some quick choices: I turned off the fuel….the presumptions and judgments in my head;  turned on the hazard lights … caution, caution …. stepped back, slowed down, took a deep breathe; and unlocked the doors …made the choice to exit gracefully.  Disaster averted – no casualties – no dark cloud hanging over the rest of the day/week.  3 seconds and nobody got hurt!   

Of course, it doesn’t always go that way.   Sometimes my awareness/reactions are dulled by the heat of the moment and I pass, what I USED TO THINK is, the point of no return.  However, I’m learning that even when things seem to be speeding toward impact, I can still choose right action and avoid the crash.  When caught up in an escalating argument or disagreement, I can choose to take a time out, I can choose not to fuel the fire by being honest about my motives, I can give up my need to win, I can simply say, “let’s stop.” 

On the road defensive driving serves us well.  So it is in life, too.  By being aware, by practicing respect and courtesy, by recognizing the “danger zones,” we can avoid both fender-benders and big crashes.

Drive safely!

Dorothy

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Dorothy:

The conversation at the yoga studio had turned to grousing and grumbling about the weather, when quietly a fellow student said, “But just think how much we’ll enjoy our beautiful tulips in July.”  The “vibe” in the room changed instantly, and I was reminded of the sentiments of our last blog.  How quickly we can change things by what we say.  By the expressions on all our faces, it was clear we had just shared an ah-ha moment.  Somewhat embarrassed to have been caught, as innocent as the “catching” was, spewing negativity out into the space; we were also delighted by the reminder of the extraordinary duality of our wonderful mountain environment.  With just a few thoughtful words the perspective, and the mood, of the other eight women in class had changed, and, in spite of the snow pelting the windows, I’m sure there were visions of beautiful tulips above all our savasana (relaxation) mats.  And, all was right with the world again!  Thank you Kathy.

Susan will not be joining me here this week as she is finding that life is, indeed, BUENO in beautiful, balmy Cabo!   I wish you inspiring sunrises, and peaceful sunsets my friend!

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Thank you for retuning this morning.  We appreciate your support and encouragement and hope we are meeting your needs.  Please let us know if there is a particular issue, challenge, book, poem, etc, you’d like us to share.  You can leave you comments here on the blog, or at our Facebook page.  If you choose to go to our Facebook page, please give us a “LIKE” while there!  Thanks!

Having Conscious Conversations

It’s not what you say, but how you say it
that conveys the message most clearly.
Author Unknown

We all regularly have many opportunities to get our message across with grace and dignity, and in a way that benefits us, and those we are trying to reach. We ask for help, give information, let others know we appreciate their efforts on our behalf, provide information and service. It’s not only our words, but our expression, our body language, and certainly the inflection of our voice that express our meaning. I called a service business recently; a woman who gave the standard, pleasant “good morning, XYZ COMPANY” answered the telephone. I asked for the person I needed to speak with and was told that she had just stepped out. Since I was returning an urgent message, I asked if a note could be put on her desk with my name, phone number and time I called rather than leaving a voice mail message. A frustrated sigh, followed by a curt, ‘yea,” not only relayed the inconvenience I was causing her but also told me that my return call was unimportant and without value. That brief, and unpleasant exchange, reminded me that we all have challenging days filled with requests and interactions with others that often feel like inconveniences. How we choose to respond affects not only our perspective about the service or assistance we all give to others, it also affects others’ feelings and actions toward us. Being thoughtful about what we say to people is always worth the effort.

The beautiful message passed along in the video we’ve included below shows us how simply changing our words, or our inflection, can change the impact of our statement. We hope you enjoy it. Thank you Dee for bringing this beautiful video to our attention! It has certainly sparked our interest in reconsidering our communication skills!

Last week Dorothy told us about a wonderful teaching moment she had with her son. We hope this video and the blog will provide you an opportunity for a teaching moment with your family, friends, or work partners.

Susan: This has been a week of introspection and reevaluation of the life I’ve created. I’m finding myself on edge as I consider making changes in my work life. The possibilities are exciting but at the same time change, even for those of us who usually embrace it, is always stressful. This potential change is bringing up some old, completely unrelated wounds that I didn’t expect to face again and I’m wondering why I need to revisit them. This week I’ll be working on resolutions to unfinished business.

Dorothy: The power of words was unmistakably my lesson for the week. After being so moved by the touching video Susan included in this week’s blog, (thanks again Dee!), I had the great pleasure of meeting fellow “Parkite,“ Jennifer Mulholland, whose inspiring presentation on Conscious Conversation was not only thought provoking, but clearly a call to action! Both experiences caused me to become more aware of what tumble out of my mouth. What I realized is this: much of my casual dialogue with others is automatic, predictable and usually impersonal. ….So I started changing it up. Instead of, “Hey, how are you?” I asked, “How is it going with your son’s new job?” or, “Has your cat gotten any better?” And, instead of the usual, predictable, and very vague, “Fine,” (which in my line of work often means = Fragile, Insecure, Needy and Emotional) I got, “Not so good, he thinks he might have made a mistake, “ or, “Better, but I’m still worried.” And guess what? A real, being present, conversation ensued; from which I discovered ways I could be helpful, or supportive, or encouraging. It was so interesting to see how; by simply being more conscious of my words, so much more was being accomplished. The person with whom I was speaking felt valued and so, felt able to express more of what she was feeling. And I, being trusted to hear those feelings, also felt valued, and not in such a rush to move on. Here at home, the needed adjustments were easily spotted. Isn’t it usually the people you love most who get to see/hear your icky stuff? So, I did a little experiment: How would I ask/suggest or respond/rebuff if the person on the other side of my conversation was a co-worker, or someone I just met at a cocktail party? WOW – what an eye opener and great lesson! It’s great to put down your guard, let down your hair, not be so cautious. That’s what family gives us – a place to put down the weight of the day, but we can’t leave our respect and common courtesy at the door - especially when we go home. This was a great week. It’s been a week of inspiring conversations…and I’m better for it!

We wish you a wonderful week with many opportunities to have conscious conversations!
Susan and Dorothy