Having Conscious Conversations

It’s not what you say, but how you say it
that conveys the message most clearly.
Author Unknown

We all regularly have many opportunities to get our message across with grace and dignity, and in a way that benefits us, and those we are trying to reach. We ask for help, give information, let others know we appreciate their efforts on our behalf, provide information and service. It’s not only our words, but our expression, our body language, and certainly the inflection of our voice that express our meaning. I called a service business recently; a woman who gave the standard, pleasant “good morning, XYZ COMPANY” answered the telephone. I asked for the person I needed to speak with and was told that she had just stepped out. Since I was returning an urgent message, I asked if a note could be put on her desk with my name, phone number and time I called rather than leaving a voice mail message. A frustrated sigh, followed by a curt, ‘yea,” not only relayed the inconvenience I was causing her but also told me that my return call was unimportant and without value. That brief, and unpleasant exchange, reminded me that we all have challenging days filled with requests and interactions with others that often feel like inconveniences. How we choose to respond affects not only our perspective about the service or assistance we all give to others, it also affects others’ feelings and actions toward us. Being thoughtful about what we say to people is always worth the effort.

The beautiful message passed along in the video we’ve included below shows us how simply changing our words, or our inflection, can change the impact of our statement. We hope you enjoy it. Thank you Dee for bringing this beautiful video to our attention! It has certainly sparked our interest in reconsidering our communication skills!

Last week Dorothy told us about a wonderful teaching moment she had with her son. We hope this video and the blog will provide you an opportunity for a teaching moment with your family, friends, or work partners.

Susan: This has been a week of introspection and reevaluation of the life I’ve created. I’m finding myself on edge as I consider making changes in my work life. The possibilities are exciting but at the same time change, even for those of us who usually embrace it, is always stressful. This potential change is bringing up some old, completely unrelated wounds that I didn’t expect to face again and I’m wondering why I need to revisit them. This week I’ll be working on resolutions to unfinished business.

Dorothy: The power of words was unmistakably my lesson for the week. After being so moved by the touching video Susan included in this week’s blog, (thanks again Dee!), I had the great pleasure of meeting fellow “Parkite,“ Jennifer Mulholland, whose inspiring presentation on Conscious Conversation was not only thought provoking, but clearly a call to action! Both experiences caused me to become more aware of what tumble out of my mouth. What I realized is this: much of my casual dialogue with others is automatic, predictable and usually impersonal. ….So I started changing it up. Instead of, “Hey, how are you?” I asked, “How is it going with your son’s new job?” or, “Has your cat gotten any better?” And, instead of the usual, predictable, and very vague, “Fine,” (which in my line of work often means = Fragile, Insecure, Needy and Emotional) I got, “Not so good, he thinks he might have made a mistake, “ or, “Better, but I’m still worried.” And guess what? A real, being present, conversation ensued; from which I discovered ways I could be helpful, or supportive, or encouraging. It was so interesting to see how; by simply being more conscious of my words, so much more was being accomplished. The person with whom I was speaking felt valued and so, felt able to express more of what she was feeling. And I, being trusted to hear those feelings, also felt valued, and not in such a rush to move on. Here at home, the needed adjustments were easily spotted. Isn’t it usually the people you love most who get to see/hear your icky stuff? So, I did a little experiment: How would I ask/suggest or respond/rebuff if the person on the other side of my conversation was a co-worker, or someone I just met at a cocktail party? WOW – what an eye opener and great lesson! It’s great to put down your guard, let down your hair, not be so cautious. That’s what family gives us – a place to put down the weight of the day, but we can’t leave our respect and common courtesy at the door - especially when we go home. This was a great week. It’s been a week of inspiring conversations…and I’m better for it!

We wish you a wonderful week with many opportunities to have conscious conversations!
Susan and Dorothy