Looking for Best Selves

“I see you”

The Na’vi greeting from The Avatar

Since writing about societal obliviousness 3 weeks ago, I’ve increased my effort to give my best to others and notice and acknowledge the best in everyone I meet. I’m finding, for the most part, that I’m getting “best selves” in return. I’ve had some wonderful and surprising encounters and most surprising of all is how many times I’m the benefactor of the kindness of others! Walking downtown, a stranger walking the opposite direction looked me in the eye, smiled, and wished me good morning … that simple interaction boosted my spirits and made me smile. His simple action told me he was happy and willing to share that joy with me. I felt happy when I recently saw a co-worker from another city and he greeted me with a big grin and a warm hug. But, the most surprising and delightful interaction happened this past weekend while I was traveling on business in Boise, ID. I’d arrived in the evening after a rough flight, feeling awful, and with a terrible headache. I went to a small restaurant for a bowl of hot soup before settling in for the night. As I held the door for a couple leaving the restaurant, they told me the restaurant was unable to serve any more food because so many guests were staying to listen to the live music and occupying all of the tables.

This was their first visit to this restaurant and they were clearly disappointed not to be able to eat there as they’d driven some distance for the experience. Instead of being indignant they were calm, smiling, friendly and open. Trying to be helpful, I recommended another nearby restaurant, gave them directions, and suggested they follow me there if it sounded like a good choice to them. They happily agreed and asked if I would like to join them for dinner. I was surprised, but comfortable with them, and curious about why we all came together in the doorway of this tiny restaurant and so I agreed to join them. Our conversation throughout dinner was quick paced, interesting, filled with fun and energy. They are a charming and delight-filled couple who have lived in many cities and have wonderful life experiences which they graciously shared with me (and they both have the most beautiful, sparkling eyes I can ever remember seeing). When we left the restaurant, I felt happy and my headache was relieved. Meeting them reminded me that being open and expecting to meet the best in people improves our lives and I believe I’m a better person because I met Ardi and Les. I will think of them with delight and gratitude always.

Maybe these happy interactions are isolated events, but they seem to be happening with more frequency; or maybe I’m just noticing them more. Maybe this is pay it forward in action. If it is, I feel like I’m the greatest beneficiary of positive action.

SUSAN: Am I having these joyful experiences because I’ve given joy to others? Are they learning opportunities to remind me to interact joyfully with others and give me new ideas about how I can be my best self? Whatever their purpose, they give me renewed faith in the goodness of mankind and I am grateful for them and renew my commitment to look for ways to benefit others, and to be willing to accept the kindness others offer.

DOROTHY: In my quest to “right” my life, to practice putting the 51% Theory to work in making changes I see as necessary, I am learning to accept the idea that I am just human and so, do human things. I make mistakes, I make bad decisions, I judge, I hold anger, I gossip, I __________(fill in the blank). And so there are days – even weeks - in my mostly joyful way of being in the world that still present great challenges. How can I stay in that positive place when confronted with this humanness? I’ve found that resisting the negative feelings or circumstances that arise only intensifies, and often prolongs, the discomfort. But, when I allow myself to feel the anger (frustration, disappointment…..), when I say out loud, “I’m Pissed right now” and acknowledge the presence of these “disturbances “ as part of my humanness and not some glaring, permanent flaw in my character, the thought or situation is less likely to spin me into my ugly twin. Instead of beating myself up for letting down my positive guard, I can now more easily choose to put “it” down and move on. For me, writing is the safety net. I write what I’m feeling, try to determine why, and then put it in a BIG PICTURE perspective, “will it matter 10 years from now, 3 weeks from now, 2 days from now?” Usually, no, and usually that’s all it takes to help me choose not to be a victim of my humanness but to just be in it for the moment and then let it go! It’s working for me. WOW, maybe you CAN teach an old dog new tricks!!!

Enjoy the upcoming week!

Susan and Dorothy

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