Gifts from the Sea

The sea does not reward those who are too anxious,

too greedy, or too impatient. One should lie empty, open,

choiceless as a beach - waiting for a gift from the sea.
Anne Morrow Lindbergh

There is something about being near the sea that changes me. The juxtaposition of fury and serenity settles beneath my skin to my cells and soul, helping me to renew my acceptance of the ebb and flow of life. I am always changed and better for the experience.

Recently I had the great pleasure of spending three weeks by the sea, up the coasts of New Hampshire and Maine, and around the Canadian Provinces of New Brunswick and Nova Scotia. It was an awesome, incredible, breathtaking and jaw-dropping journey. But, in spite of the excitement and joy that comes with great adventures, I also carried with me a deep sadness and great concern as some people I love were experiencing great loss and difficult challenges in their lives at the time of my departure.

Then one evening, on the shore of Peggy’s Cove, on the Southern coast of Nova Scotia, the waves wild in the wake of hurricane Lee, I saw that even after being tossed and tumbled by the fierceness and rage of an angry sea, the beach and shells and rocks and bits of washed up glass had come to rest at last; glistening in the sun, rough edges smoothed, beautiful in a new and triumphant way. And I knew that my loved ones though tossed and tumbled by the harsh, tumultuous occurrences currently in their life, would one day also be glistening in the sun, softened and peaceful again. I was filled with joy and gratitude.

Beyond the heart and head filling memories and images gathered along the way of my travels, I have returned with something else: a gift from the sea – the gift of hope and peace, and a renewal of faith that life, like the sea, will be full of highs and lows, of rage and stillness but if we lay ourselves open to its cycles, trusting that calm will come after the storm, we will arrive on shores worth reaching.

In the vastness of our surroundings there is always something that can show us the way to a deeper knowing.  Whether a small shell or a great ocean, there are truths and wisdom to be learned from nature.  Take the time to see and listen – you’ll be grateful for the gifts.

Happy Trails,

D

 Peggy's Cove, Nova Scotia

Dorothy  There were other gifts along the way as well:  The comfort and joy of spending time with dear and special friends, the rekindling of long ago friendships with people who still have the power to make me a better person, and the companionship of the quintessential traveling buddy; an extraordinary women with whom I look forward to always taking the scenic route, on the road and in life.

Susan  I'm in one of the "calm water" segments of life.  But, that doesn't mean I don't have concerns, or trials every day.  Despite some random uneasiness, I'm enjoying the respite this calm brings, because I've been here before and know that the one constant in life is change. Change comes in many forms but, I believe it shines light on something that needs to be reviewed, therefore, it's productive and helps me better myself.

Dream Lofty Dreams

Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. 

Your vision is the promise of what you shall at last unveil.

- John Ruskin 

This has been a week of remembrance for those of us in the US as well as many around the world.  Remembering where we were ten years ago and comparing it with our lives today brings feelings of relief, expectation, concern, as well as questions about whether we are living in a way that will build a better future.  Conversations about our direction and whether it is positive and will help us take the next step toward growth are occurring everywhere.  I believe these conversations are very positive and will help us identify what we need to do to make our lives and our world more peaceful.  

I’m writing this blog on September 11, and identifying with the feelings of people I’ve talked with today.  Some seem stressed and fearful, others resigned, but many are grateful and determined to find joy and peace.  The most endearing was a woman named Nell, who served me my breakfast.  She exuded positivity with her body language as well as her words, I was so impressed with her compassion and the honesty of her expressions of joy.  I told her that her pleasant nature and joy was an inspiration and that I appreciated meeting her.  Her reply was simple and profound ... “I know it’s a sad day for so many, but I just try to make it a good day”.   She is genuine in her determination to make every day the best it can be. 

 I finished my breakfast while reading an article in the LA Times, and was drawn to comments made by NY City cabbie Vincent Bury, as he talked with a journalist about the anniversary of September 11.  The events of ten years ago inspired most of us to assess our lives and many found gaps between what we want our lives to be and what they are.  Bury described the events of September 11, as “a wake up call to mankind” we all have the responsibility to “contribute some light” to our families, neighbors, communities and countries.  Profound words and a call to action for all of us.  

Change comes slowly and with effort, but it’s well worth taking the journey to pursue our goals.  Gentle acts of compassion and the determination to improve our life inspire and give hope to others as well as help us see the beauty that is all around us.   The conscious choice to contribute light to our own life will have a profoundly positive effect.

Susan

Dorothy is traveling this weekend and I wish her happy travels!

Starving at the Banquet of Life

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters

Compared to what lies within us.

                         - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I was sitting in the sun at the park with a friend I had, admittedly, and guiltily, chosen not to spend time with in quite awhile.  Mother Nature was doing a fabulous job making amends for the extremely long winter she had dealt us. What remained of the 45-foot snow pack frosted the surrounding mountains, which looked three dimensional against the bluest BLUE BIRD sky of the season. The melt off had produced trees and grass in shades of green I’m not even sure there are words for.  Birds sang, dogs barked, children laughed.  It was a perfect moment in time.  But lost in her litany of could’ves and should’ves, wrong doings and if onlys, my friend was missing it all.  Suddenly I realized what had kept me so distant from her these past months:  I could no longer bare the pain of watching this beautiful, talented, good woman starving at the banquet of life.

Sadly, this is a way of life for my friend, but haven’t we all, at one time or another, been stuck in the planning and recalling that life insists on; our senses momentarily blurred to the life going on around us?  There are bills to pay, leaky faucets to fix, music lessons and football games to get to, obligations and responsibilities to juggle. It seems often that something or someone has us looking ahead. And, too, don’t we sometimes need to look back on our yesterdays, calling on the lessons learned and the wonderful, and also the difficult, memories of the past to remind us how to be and who we are today?  

Living in the now is a concept most of us get intellectually, but enter reality and things can get a little murky! Everyday we have 31,536,000 NOWs in which to be the best versions of ourselves. Some of those nows require planning and remembering, dreaming and hoping.  But when we allow ourselves to get swept up in the folly of regret, worry and projection, we, too, can find ourselves starving at the banquet of life. 

When we spend our time regretting what was, we waste the moment that is.  There are no do-overs in life. Mistakes, missed opportunities, harsh words or actions cannot be taken back.  But, they can be great reminders to make better choices. They can be turning points from which to go forward and grow.  They can be opportunities from which to learn the power of acceptance, of forgiveness, of peace. Remembering should not be confused with regret.

When we spend our time worrying about what will be, we waste the moment that is.  Leo Buscalia, author of Because I’m Human and other notable books, once wrote, “Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.” We cannot create outcomes from worry.  We cannot shape the future through projection.  That is not to say, our deeds and thoughts and words do not affect our tomorrows, they do.  Living an authentic, thoughtful, kindhearted life will surely bring you better tomorrows.  And, maybe more importantly, will provide you with the strength, courage and support you may need should tomorrow present a challenge.  But we must not confuse hope with worry, or planning with projection.

To most of us, these are not great and startling revelations!  Most of us have been there and done that before.  The question then, is how to stop these time wasting, futile forays into the past and future? 

A method I have found helpful over the years is what I call “rubber band reality!” It’s a simple, yet effective way to remind myself that where my head is taking me is not where I am, or want to be. It works like this:  Whenever I find myself getting stuck in a cycle of pointless, torturous, regret and worry mind games, I get a wide rubber band and slip it on my wrist. Then, the next time I find myself unable to resist stepping back to things I can’t change, or forward to things I can’t control, I give that rubber band a BIG snap. The sting acts as a wake up call to STOP and a reminder to look around and note that in the here and now, I am safe and living exactly the life I am intended to live!  For me, it works every time. Could it work for you, too?

Life is not a flash in the pan, but rather a rich, slow-cooked stew of moments in time. It should be flavored with love and joy, not soured with regret and worry. So, whether you choose to engage the rubber band of reality or another method, or mantra, to shake you from your trance of THEN; practice leaving your regrets and worries at the doorstep, or better yet, in the trash bin, and belly on up to the table to eat heartily at the beautiful, wonderful, delicious feast that awaits you NOW!

Bon Appetite,

Dorothy

Dorothy:  I will be spending the next week with my beloved ‘other’ family at Foothill Farm in western MT, where my belly will be filled with farm raised, organic food, my eyes will be filled with the magnificence of Big Sky Country and my heart will be filled with joy!  There will not be a second to waste on THEN! 

Susan:  May we all live today as the best you possible, think gently and patiently of tomorrow, and kindly of yesterday.    

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Getting out of the Blame Game

"Take your life in your own hands and what happens?

A terrible thing: no one is to blame."

                                                 Erica Jong

Fellow blogger and remarkable sage, Dorothy Mendoza Row, shared this profound insight recently:  “If you are refusing to be happy because of an external circumstance, or the behavior of someone that is not you, then you have given up the responsibility for your life to someone or something that most likely does not want it. To blame someone or something else for your own negative feelings is to bind yourself to stagnant misery, blocking your ability to move forward. If your situation is not changeable, then it is you who must change.”

Haven’t we all, at one time or another, shirked the responsibility of our actions or thoughts or happiness, and laid blame on someone or something else?  I am certainly guilty!  I can’t even count the number of times the circumstances and outcomes of my life have been branded the fault of my parents, my siblings, my spouse, my children, my boss, my teacher, my friend, my government, someone else’s government, the weather, the news, that store, that movie. My stuff handed off to people and things that, as Ms. Row stated, they don’t want, and for the most part, don’t even care that I’ve made them responsible for.   How easy it is to give away what we don’t want to face or accept. 

This is not to say that outside sources don’t affect us. They do. But still, it is ultimately our choice as to how we will adapt to other people’s actions, or allow other things to influence our own. “It is not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters,” Epictetus.

When I choose to sit in front of the television watching the same, awful footage of the latest world calamity for hours on end, it is not the newscasters’ fault that I am inpatient with the grocery store clerk; it is my fault for not turning off the TV.   When my spouse chooses to decline the invitation to join me on a walk, it is not his fault that I’m “stuck in the house” and behaving badly; it is my fault for either not going by myself or choosing another activity to enjoy – together or alone, and it is my fault for not respecting his decision and making it my unhappiness. 

These are examples of the daily blame putting we engage in. Of course, there are bigger, MUCH bigger events and circumstances in our lives that we give or gave cause to someone else’s blame.  I didn’t go to college because they…I didn’t apply for that job because he...I gave up the fight because the…I’m in a bad mood because…I was rude because…Feel free to add your own becauses here. Now, go back and fill in the blanks with the REAL REASONS the thing you did or said or thought occurred:  Because I didn’t put in the effort, because I didn’t think about what I was saying, because I chose not to fight for it, because he made me feel……

The people and things in our lives must, of course, be part of our considerations regarding the way we are in the world. But the things we do, think and say are a result of how we, and only we, choose to use what we get, the effort or lack of effort we choose to put forth, the decisions we make to be happy or not. 

As with all lies, blame placing will spin a web of complicated stories to maintain and justify, for months, years, decades and even lifetimes. But, as with truth, owning the circumstances that make up your life, good and bad, will set you free to clean up the messes and move on, assuring you of more joyful relationships with yourself and others. In our humanness we will all take a wrong turn now and then, the thing to remember is this:  choice gives us the opportunity to get it right the next time.

Namaste,

Dorothy

Dorothy: I had a lovely Mother’s Day weekend with family and friends. I hope whatever filled your days was also pleasant.  My long-time and very dear friend was visiting with her beautiful daughter and adorable 3-year-old grandson. It was so good to have our families mingling again (those not able to join us were surely missed.)  As it is when two old crones get together, there was lots of laughter and lots of gut spilling, and dreams and fears and joys and disappointments to be shared. Oh, the trials and tribulations of ancient relationships and raising children and still, after all these years, the work of trying to figure it all out. What would we do, who would we be without our friends? I was particularly moved by one extraordinary moment:  As I sat on the stairs overlooking the mess in the kitchen, the noise in the living room, observing the mostly cherished and sometimes annoying behaviors of our combined families; this wee little boy, far from his familiar surrounds and in the company of people he is still getting know, climbed up on a chair in front of me and said, “I love it here.” He did not see the mess or hear the noise or measure the annoying or cherished behaviors, instead he felt the love we all have for one another – in spite of our human foibles and family baggage  – and that was enough to make him feel secure and happy.  He loved it here.  I vow to try to remember his lesson:  People may not remember what you say, or what you do – but they will always remember how you make them feel.

Susan:  I’ve spent the past two weeks in paradise with wonderful friends.  It’s been a time of indulgence and excess; excess sun, fun, eating, views, and friendly visits.  I’ve been so touched by the generosity and love shown to us.  Spending this time with people who aren’t family, but who you meant to choose as family, has been inspiring, relaxing, and healing.  Dinners without fuss, spent enjoying the food and wine and best of all, the company just can’t be beat.  Thank you my dear, dear friends.

Please visit Dorothy Mendoza Row’s inspiring blog: www.mysticalsunshine.blogspot.com

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S & D