Happiness and Perception

Play grows in the soil of a cheerful heart
Mary Anne Radmacher

How did the happiest people you know get to be so happy? It’s easy to say that they live charmed lives, were born with a silver spoon in their mouth, or have had every advantage, but generally that’s not the case. In fact, typically they are ordinary souls with jobs, aging parents, children, siblings, friends, neighbors, yard work, and the challenges that come with each. They’re pretty much just like the rest of us, except they seem to be happier more of the time. And not just happier, it seems to be a special kind of happy; somehow more deeply felt, more “all over happy” despite the fact that they live in the same world, drive the same highways, and have many of the same experiences as the rest of us.

You notice I said “they have many of the same experiences” as us. It seems that the same circumstance that brings one person to tears and teeth gnashing, only brings on slight discomfort to those in the happiest group. Moreover, they get through the difficulty sooner and move on to more happiness. Now the question is how do they do it?

Malcolm Gladwell’s “The Tipping Point”, talks about kids born in the first months of the year and their increased odds of becoming exceptional at a sport vs. kids on the same team who were born nearer the cut off date. Because those born earlier in the year are a few months older, they’re bigger, stronger and more coordinated than the kids born in the later part of the year and they’re more likely to be picked for the “A” team and get more attention from the coaches, and more practice time. The more they practice, the better they get and the more they feel special, so they practice more and get even better … practice makes perfect. It doesn’t mean that the kids born later have any less talent; they’re just smaller and tend not to get as much practice as the bigger kids on the team. But, if the smaller kids love their sport and make a conscious decision to be terrific at it and they practice like crazy, they’re going to excel.

My working theory about the happiest people I know is much the same. Maybe they were born to parents with a high happiness quotient and inherited it from them. Or maybe they just didn’t like the way un-happiness looked and felt and decided to be different, to practice finding happiness. Whatever the reason they seem to have made a conscious choice to be happy; it’s their overriding personality trait. They seem to wake up in the morning happy or at least content and work their way to happy as the day progresses.

Practice, practice, practice. The more we practice being happy, the more we increase our ability to find happiness in everyday moments. It doesn’t mean that you’re a Pollyanna or blissfully happy every moment of every day … but maybe it does mean that you’ve learned to take several deep breaths, put on a big smile and your favorite outfit and march out into the day with the overriding intention to be happy … or at least to fake it till you make it.

When I was in high school people told me they liked seeing me in the hall because I was always so happy. It wasn’t because I had a perfect life, or felt like I belonged, or that I was exceptional at any sport or intellectual pursuit, or a member of the “in” crowd; but I do believe one thing was different about me that gave me an advantage. I liked feeling happy; in fact I liked it better than anything else and therefore practiced the outward indications of being happy all day, every day. It worked for me.

We encourage you to practice smiling and finding happiness in the moments of your day. Put on a big smile, even if you feel out of sorts, and see if it makes it easier for you to find joyful moments more easily. We believe it will make a difference. Try smiling at least 51% of the day … never give up, just keep smiling. We believe practicing being happy works, it’s worked in our lives and we hope you’ll find it works in yours, too.

SUSAN: I’ve had a stressful couple of weeks trying to sort out my desires and wishes and I’m still working through my feelings. But, I’m even more convinced that when you let negativity through the filter of your life, you’ll find more negativity around you. I don’t like negativity, it’s depressing and frankly, inconvenient. It takes time and energy away from more pleasant undertakings. So I’m consciously putting on the smile, letting my heart find fun, and moving on.

DOROTHY: I’m practicing being happy this week – and it’s been soooooo easy! A very dear friend is in town, I’ve been finalizing my autumn trip to Nova Scotia with another special friend, my lovely friend and blog partner is warming her bones and soul on the beach, my family is healthy and happy, and THE SUN IS OUT AT LAST!!!! Feel good do good!!! PAY IT FORWARD!!!!

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We hope you have a wonderful weekend with your families and friends and carry that fun through the entire week. Happy Mother’s Day ladies! - Susan and Dorothy

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