Saturday, January 29, 2011

Pay it Forward

"I believe it's not too late,
Together we can change the world"
                     Mark Shepard


Recently we had the good fortune of becoming acquainted with Charley Johnson, creator of the Pay It Forward Today movement and Pay it Forward bracelet.

Like many others, Charley was deeply moved by the 2000 movie Pay It Forward, based on the book of the same title by Catherine Ryan Hyde. In 2006 Charley had an epiphany. Feeling that we all just needed a little reminder now and then that good prevails and kindness is contagious, Charley manufactured a little white bracelet and with little fanfare (and, at his own expense) began distributing it at trade shows and through his website. The result has been remarkable. To date, the bracelets have found their way to the wrists of 850,000 people, in 58 countries around the world. Charley tells this story better than we can. You can hear it via the video below, which he gratefully submitted as our first guest blogger. What we can tell you is this: Since we started wearing and sharing the Pay it Forward bracelets, we’ve been amazed by its impact over and over again. The bracelet encourages random but deliberate and contagious acts of kindness. Wearing it, we are reminded every day how small gestures can bring great outcomes. Everyone we have given it to has been greatly moved by its message, and we are certain that they, like us, will eagerly Pay it Forward in generosity to their fellow humans and the greater good for all. We encourage you to watch the video, go to the Pay it Forward Today website to be awed by the stories there - www.payitforwardtoday.org, request some bracelets, and, if you can, make a donation to help Charley in his quest to move us all in the right direction toward greater kindness and good in the world. As Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world." Pay it Forward.





"In today's world of "info overload" these bracelets act as a
reminder for people to do what we have always been taught to do, help
others without return.  That's all I am asking, go about your day
looking to pay it forward to someone and watch how much better your day
will be."
  Charley

Charley Johnson lives, work, plays and pays it forward in Salt Lake City, UT

Susan: Here we are at the end of our first month in the blogging world and as I reflect on what I’ve learned this month I’m really very happy. I’ve learned that setting boundaries doesn’t need to be a big fat deal. I’ve learned, again, that it always feels great to be authentic. I’ve learned that being authentic doesn’t mean reacting from inside of “the box” (The Anatomy of Peace by The Arbinger Institute) and putting others on the defensive. I’ve learned that sometimes a boundary is “keeping your arms and legs inside the ride at all times”, padding yourself as needed, and going with the flow. I’ve had reinforced my innate knowing that being kind shouldn’t overshadow being authentic and letting personal boundaries be trampled feels terrible.  But also, that letting boundaries be known and being kind and joyful are not mutually exclusive. -- It’s been a good month, a first step on a journey that’s proving to be amazing.  I’ve found myself paying closer attention to the people I encounter and I’m completely awed by the incredible contributions that they make to their families, communities, and to the world. Dorothy and I encourage you to look for and acknowledge the remarkable people you find in your circle of influence.   That’s a tipping point to happiness.


Dorothy:  This week Susan and I attended a Book Club discussion of the book, The Anatomy of Peace published by the Arbinger Institute.  A very interesting book, with many stunning insights, we highly recommend it.  Though filled with much food for thought, the basic premise was this:  It all comes down to CHOICE: do you want to put your effort into helping things go right – OR - into trying to fix what went wrong? At the conclusion of our first month on “the project”, I find myself with the same belief; my life goes so much better, is so much more satisfying when I make conscious choices! It definitely took some effort to stay out of the old patterns, and there were certainly a lot of vows to do better next time but I discovered that calling upon that old grade school adage – STOP! LOOK! LISTEN! – I was able to remain mindful in “those” moments:  STOP – resist reaction, become conscious, think.  LOOK – beyond the moment down the path of possible outcomes. Listen – to your best self and act on you inner goodness.  The more times I relied on this process – the more I came to a better outcome, and the better I felt.  Feeling good – well, FEELS GOOD and makes you want more, so you do more good things and you feel good more of the time and before you know it – that extra 1% of effort is pushing you up to the tipping point and – I think we may be on to something here!!!  How about you?

* * * * * * * *

As we continue on our journey together we’ll keep bringing you people, like Charlie Johnson, who touch our lives and the lives of others.   We hope you enjoy the journey, and that you’ll feel good inviting your friends and neighbors along, too.  Thank you for all of your kind and encouraging words.

Gratefully, 

S & D

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Our Inner Goodness

We are each other's harvest,
We are each other's business,
We are each other's magnitude and bond.
…..Geraldine Brooks

Having lived in Tucson, where I was a constituent of Congresswomen Giffords, I was especially sensitive to the tragic event that occurred there last week.  For me, and for most others, it was a week of sadness, pain and reflection. Once able to move myself beyond the violence and its outcome though, I found myself lifted and inspired by the power of the people in that community, and in our nation, to come together once again – to expose what our friend Jen Sayers calls, “the best version” of themselves; their innate goodness, their compassionate hearts, their connectedness. There was no call to arms, no lynch mob, no gathering of a posse.  Instead, people from all walks of life, of great diversity, united together to hold one another up under the weight of their own grieving hearts and battered spirits and the healing was allowed to begin.

That goodness must not be denied, nor contained, for when we unite in right action, as is beautifully illustrated in the video we share with you below, a seed of love and understanding is planted and WILL bloom.

Please enjoy and contemplate this lovely expression of Grace and Goodness that lives in all of us, then find and nourish your own!!!!

Grace and Goodness:   Elizabeth Hughes, 8, made her debut signing the national anthem at an AHL Norfolk Admirals game against the Connecticut Whale last Friday night. Angelic voice, bundle of nerves and then after the words “gave proof,” her microphone abruptly cut out.

                      What happens next is what happens when Grace and Goodness converge.





Dorothy:  I have begun noticing in myself, and in others, this nanosecond of recognition that occurs when we’re about to cross that line of demarcation that separates our edges from ‘theirs.”  It’s an almost imperceptible wince of the eyes, twinge in the heart, catch of the breath that signals to us that THIS IS THE MOMENT OF CHOICE.  Do I choose to exercise my inner goodness or betray it?  Whatever choice I make becomes the unfolding of either a very good outcome (or day) or a not so good outcome (or day). I’ve discovered that either way – there is a significant visceral reaction that follows.  When I choose to do good – by letting go, by making an apology, by looking at another’s needs above my own – I feel GOOD.  I move on with my day – or that conversation with a carefree-ness, a sense of right –ness in my world.  When I choose to betray my good – I feel BAD and then the next thing I know I’ve moved to justifying the behavior or victimizing the behavior and I’m tired and I’m cranky and really not nice to be around and then the people around me are not so nice to be around and it becomes very, very rotten day! One nanosecond can change everything.  I’m learning to catch the warning signs now. Not every time but more times (possibly 51% of the time?) I CAN stop and consciously decide which way to go – which battle to pick, whether winning is THAT important, whether I want to experience a very good day or a very rotten day.   When I do good I feel good and when I feel good I do good.  Now to just REMEMBER!

Susan:  It's been an interesting week on the "expressing boundaries" front.  I've found myself unexpectedly reacting with frustration very quickly, not expressing those feelings, but feeling them nonetheless.  I found myself quickly analyzing my reactions to determine if they were justified.  Generally speaking, I felt that I was correct and my boundaries were being crossed, but also recognized that the boundary crossing wasn't deliberate or malicious.  So, I could easily deal with the situation appropriately and accomplish what I needed.  While I can't confirm it yet, I'm sure it also allowed me to express my boundaries by subtle means like the tone of my voice, the quickness of my response, and undoubtedly, by my body language.  I can't imagine that these small changes are going unnoticed nor do I expect that I won't be getting some feedback soon!


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Saturday, January 15, 2011

It’s not what happens to you,
But how you react to it that matters.
Epictetus
Greek Philosopher



The 51% Project began as a sincere desire to invite positive action and optimistic thought into ourselves, our families, our workplaces … in general our lives.  And the best way to begin is to pay attention to how we respond to everyday events in our lives.  To consciously think about how we talk with others, how we talk with ourselves, how we respond to events around us and to the people we encounter every day  will make us better able to recognize when we are less than kind or just plain negative.  Recognition is the key to making a change.

In talking with a friend about The 51% Project the other day, I was reminded how important it is to also consider our perspective about things that happen to us.  Can we look at situations from another perspective and get an entirely different view?    My friend recounted her recent experience of having the opportunity to start her own business.  Everything about getting her business started was fortuitous.  The company she worked for decided to outsource their sales representation and the salespeople were told that if they could start their own companies they could continue to represent the company as well as take on other manufacturers and build a business of their own.  My friend eagerly said “yes!” to the opportunity and began getting everything in order.  She put out the word that she was available to represent other manufacturers and happily said “yes!” as other manufacturing firms signed her to be their representative.   Her new business was growing quickly and successfully and she began to be overwhelmed with the volume of work before her and began second guessing her ability to do a good job.  She told a close friend that she was wondering,  “What have I done? What if I can’t do all of this?” Her friend reminded her that she was looking at it in a negative light … in reality, he said, you’re having fortune rain down on you.  Enjoy it!

Just changing our perspective can change everything … for the better!

We would like to invite you to look at a challenging situation in your life, maybe even talk it over with the most positive person you know, and see if you can gain a positive perspective to see if it changes your view.

Last week Dorothy and I told you about boundary challenges we were working on that were keeping us from enjoying more fullness and joy in our lives and we’d like to give you some updates on our progress.

SUSAN:  I’ve been working to express my boundaries by being completely authentic in my conversations and it’s been very freeing and opened doors to conversation that I hadn’t expected.   There haven’t been daily instances where I’ve needed to set and acknowledge my boundaries, but thinking about the process has had a very positive impact on me overall.  I’m finding that conversations about issues or concerns begin easily and conclude with positive results.   Getting clear about my feelings on the particular subject is the key … once I’m clear about what feels good; moving forward is natural and easy.  Of course, this is a work in progress so I’ll continue to be more consciously authentic.  I’m going to be paying attention to my perspective as well!

DOROTHY: What an interesting week it’s been!!!  In my attempt to meet the challenge of restructuring and understanding boundaries, as they relate to my own and the others I interact with, I discovered much about myself and the process of change.  Most illuminating was how often my “stuff” bleeds across the edges and how often I poke myself into other people’s space.  These are not always negative bleeds or pokes – often they’re simply the byproduct of curiosity or interest, but definitely trespassing has occurred! AN INTERESTING OBSERVATION.  Also interesting was the realization of  how powerful intention, language, judgment and observation is in creating change, or for that matter, keeping the status quos.  It was not enough to think, “I’ll just stop doing that,” because when THAT plays out – other factors arise.  Here’s how it played for me this week:  I’m a stickler for punctuality; others in my family – not so much.  I was finding it aggravating not only when they were late for something that included me (my side of the boundary and something I deserve to protect) but also when they were slow or late for things that DIDN’T include me (their side of the “fence” and NOT MY BUSINESS.)   In the first instance - MY business – it wasn’t enough to own it as MY business and not confuse it with being their business (usually via the luxury of victim thinking: Why are they doing this to me???)  I also had to adjust my intention: from getting them to do what I wanted – to feeling okay that what I wanted was important, and then I had to adjust my language from:  “Are you going to make us late again?” to “It’s important to me that we’re on time for this event,” PERIOD. Then I had to move from judgment  – I’m married to the slowest man on the planet to observation  - how interesting, we can both end up in the same place even if we go a different way.  Now, I can’t say that every minute of interpersonal exchange this week was interesting or illuminating or that the days exploded in A-HA moments, but by the end of the week I find that I AM making the adjustments above more than 51% of the time, and that it’s becoming less effort and more “second-nature” and I can truly see, feel, and ENJOY the difference.  There’s more work to do of course, but I am inspired to do it and share it here with you.

We encourage your comments and suggestions regarding our challenges.  Thanks so much for sharing with us; we know that it’s scary.  How is the 51% theory playing out for you?  Remember, this is a PROJECT – ours AND yours, we need your input.  If you think someone you know would find value in participating or just following along  - please pass our blog link forward.  Thanks!


Susan and Dorothy

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Week 1 (50 to go!)


If you change the way you look at things,
the things you look at change.
Wayne Dyer


Many of you have asked,  “Why 51%?  I put forth 100% or 110% or 120% of effort all the time?”  Our response is, “To whom?”  Your work, your play, your friends, family?”  These are all good recipients of that 120%, but what about to you?  Do you put 100% of effort toward caring for yourself, toward making adjustments in the way you personally live, to the nurturing of your wounds, to the outcomes you want to experience in your daily existence?  We’ve asked ourselves the same question and the answer is – no.  Like many, our own “stuff” is often at the bottom of our to do list and by the time we get to US, we’re just too darn tired to do the work. And, like many, though we know this is counter-productive – we’ve heard it, read it for years from a myriad of our favorite authors and teachers:  Love thyself, To thine own self be true, You cannot care for others if you don’t care for yourself - we forget.

The 51% Project aims to help us, and maybe you, remember.  So, we’re going PUBLIC (gulp) with our “stuff”, enlisting the theory that putting forth the extra 1% will create the Tipping Point, the push over the edge that will turn our intention into the positive actions and outcomes we seek.

If you’ve read Malcolm Gladwell’s The Tipping Point, this idea won’t be new to you.  Gladwell, a prominent social scientist, contends that it’s the moment where the extra 1% of something – effort, action, thinking, FLU - becomes an epidemic, causing a state of critical mass that moves a “thing” from status quos to rapid forward movement.  A contagion becomes an “outbreak”, an idea becomes a movement, and power is put in the hands of the many – not the few.  Think about a corporation – when the principals acquire 51% of the shares, they own the power to control the outcomes, the profits, and the values this company represents.  We contend that the same is true in making changes – personal and global.  If we do something 51% of the time, that something takes on the power to affect the way we are, the way we live and the way we engage with others.

We have both chosen personal issues we want to change. (We’ll get to some of those global issues later!)  We have committed to exercising the 51% theory in bringing forth those changes and will share our journey here on these pages.  Along the way we will share the bits of inspiration that we find helpful - quotes that move us, videos and music that become our touchstones, as well as the setbacks we experience.  Many of these will not be new to you, but it is our hope that somehow seeing how they work for us, will make them clearer – maybe even bringing on a few ah-ha moments for some of you. We encourage your comments, suggestions and the sharing of some of your experiences too.

In our discussions with others about this project we have discovered some reoccurring themes – places where we all seem to get stuck, ego-isms that undermine success like: blurring boundaries, negative thinking, confusing right action with power, losing sight of the goal, and more.  We will try to bring some new ways of thinking about these deterrents by sharing our own truths about them and also the wisdom of those authors and teachers we spoke of earlier. 

So, here we go!  The first theme of our challenges is BOUNDARIES – an “ego-ism” that often catches us up and gets us stuck.  The task here is to recognize where you END and others BEGIN.  Boundaries protect our self-worth and respect the worth of others. Everyone has their own ways of thinking, acting, and being based on their personal life experiences and lessons, their personal values and needs. Neither are the RIGHT way or the WRONG way but just A way.  Finding a middle ground based on respect and acceptance is the goal.

DOROTHY:  One of my biggest challenges to living a fully happy life is accepting that others’ definition of efficiency is different from mine.  This is actually a great example of the power of the 51% theory, because I have tumbled over the tipping point here but not in a positive way.  My automatic response to these moments of impatience is what my family refers to as THE BREATH, which translates to:  WHY CAN’T YOU DO IT MY WAY!  How easy life would be if my spouse, children, other drivers, fellow shoppers would just “get it.”  So, I am going to work at tipping the scale the other way by asking myself– is this my business or their business, by turning THE BREATH into simply breathing, by remembering the goal of respect and acceptance – mine and theirs - and by not needing to be the ONLY way.

SUSAN:  Feeling comfortable expressing my boundaries and expectations is my challenge.  I admire those who simply and easily state what they need from others.   It seems like such a simple thing to do, but my self-programming often makes it a challenge to be completely open about my expectations.   I don’t want to offend another or hurt anyone else’s feelings and in taking that concern to the extreme I often find that I’m allowing my needs, expectations, and concerns to be put on the back burner or ignored all together.  That’s not fair to anyone as it’s confusing to those I interact with when I do get specific about what I expect.  To find the tipping point of mutual respect and acceptance, I’m working at being completely authentic in my conversations.


We encourage your comments and suggestions regarding our challenges, but also ask that you share yours.  How is the 51% theory playing out for you?  Remember, this is a PROJECT – ours AND yours, we need your input.  If you think someone you know would find value in participating or just following along  - please pass our blog link forward.  Thanks!

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Welcome to the 51% Project


To participate in life requires self-discipline and trust and courage
Because this business of becoming conscious
is ultimately about asking yourself:

How alive am I willing to be today???


“Morning has broken……………”  It is the first morning of a new year, a new decade, the rest of your life.  What will you do with this moment in time? The choice is yours.

The concept of the 51% Project is fairly simple:  It takes just that 1% extra effort to tip the scales, to own the power to make change, to make that change permanent. On a greater scale – to create critical mass that will encourage change on a larger platform.  For now, YOU are the platform, the seed of hope and change that will, when nurtured and paid forward, grow into a joyful way of living for you and all others you touch.

We invite you to take the challenge with us to create your own tipping point of change. Week by week we will offer you words of inspiration, thoughts on creating change garnered from our own experiences and those of others and a change-creating focus for the week. 

We’ll take 51 weeks of this 52-week year to travel together through the mysteries and miracles of life. We hope you will take the time to share your experiences, your thoughts, and concerns as the weeks go by – we all have so much to learn and so much to teach!

Next week – week 1 of 51 ahead – the work begins in earnest, but in this first week of the new year and decade, we ask that you take time to prepare for your journey.  Make a point to spend some time in contemplation of what you hope for yourself and the world in the year ahead.  We are big fans of journaling, so we encourage you to do some writing on your thoughts if that’s comfortable to you.  We also encourage you to take some time outdoors if you can – noticing small things and large things as well.  Be an observer, a witness to your space in the world.

Then, come back next week to begin the journey.  We are eager to walk with you!

Peace!

Dorothy and Susan


web: www.51percent.us
email: dmsa51@51percent.us