Mind Over Chatter

All that we are is the result of what we have thought.

The mind is everything. What we think we become.”

                     The Buddha

I talk to myself.  A lot.  I know that certain categories of “head-talk” can raise legitimate concerns about mental illness, but I’m thinking mine is pretty much a run-of-the-mill, “normal thing."  Right??? (RIGHT???)

My mind chatters in several different ways; it carries on conversations I plan to have – or wish I had had, reminds me of things I need to do, and spends time telling me how good or BAD something, someone – usually myself – is. For example: The other day a friend asked if I’d gotten her phone message. “Yes,” I said, “didn’t you get mine?”  She hadn’t, because as it turned out, the reply I thought I sent had never left my head – (again).  I do this often; have running conversations with family and friends, (foes, politicians, authors, store managers, people in the supermarket line, etc.) and of course, myself.  Just your usual, run-of-the-mill, silent mind talk. 

It can be useful. Like when I play out a potentially prickly conversation in my head, it gives me an opportunity to sort out my thoughts.  I can take an honest look at my agenda, discard any judgments I may hold, put my ego on the sideline and then approach the actual dialogue without predetermined outcomes and an open mind. In this case talking to myself is helpful.

Talking to myself is also useful when I have a lot on my to-do list, or need to remember to take something out for dinner or pick up the dry cleaning.  Mentally reciting lists, calendars, and schedules helps me to keep on track during busy or stressful times.  The mental chatter reinforces my memory, keeps the notion (idea, thought, concept) active until it is accomplished - a good thing, right?

It can be.  But my mind’s capacity to reinforce my memory – to burn thoughts and ideas into its consciousness - is not discriminating. It holds all things I feed it, including the not so nice conversations I have with it.  Like the judgments, criticisms, and labels I bestow upon myself regularly and the reminders of my past mistakes and poor choices. 

More sages than I can list have reminded us that we are what we think. When we choose positive self-talk we become positive people. The same goes for negative self-talk.  My mind goes into accomplishment mode, no matter what’s on the list. When I go to the store and say to myself: broccoli, broccoli, broccoli; I get broccoli.  When I drop the milk carton on the floor and say to myself: stupid, stupid, stupid; I get stupid. 

Luckily, though a very powerful thing, the mind is also very compliant and can be easily tricked!  As Fatima Doman of the Franklin Covey Leadership Organization points out in her enlightening 7 Points to a Positive Outlook presentation, we CAN change our minds!  “ It takes about a second for a negative thought to trigger the release of stress hormones, so make a habit of disputing negative thoughts immediately.”  We can shut down the negative chatter without too much effort.  Here are a few of her useful suggestions:

Dispute negative self-talk – ask yourself for evidence that this thought is accurate.   Does spilling the milk really make me stupid?

Dispute all or nothing thinking – have you exaggerated the issue? Do I really always spill the milk?  Will I really never stop spilling the milk?

Use an affirming touchstone/mantra (rubber band?) – when negative chatter boils up in your mind – put your mind somewhere else, and let the negative thought go.

Practice affirming self-talk – when STUPID is the label you or someone else puts on you, immediately counter with: “NO!  I am NOT stupid; I am bright, creative, resourceful and……………….”

Work to immerse yourself in positivity – surround yourself with positive people, watch uplifting movies, listen to cheerful music, walk in the forest – (studies show that time spent in nature releases endorphins, sharpens our mental attitude, and decreases stress).  Choosing to live in a positive way will quiet your inner critic, too!

Remember, “Every time you judge yourself, you break your own heart.” (Swami Kripalu). So, above all, treat yourself with the same kindness you show to others! 

Peace,

Dorothy

Dorothy: Travel, good company, outstanding cuisine and extraordinary sights (have you been to the farmers market lately?) and sounds (AMAZING free concerts here in Mountain Town!) have kept my inner critic at bay this week, but a very full TO-DO list hides in the shadows, so I must, MUST remember to put Fatima's helpful ideas to practice.  I am calm, I am efficient, I am productive, I am, I Am, I AM!

Susan:  It’s been a tremendously chaotic week for me with lots of work to accomplish, appointments to keep, a small renovation project at home, an office move, people in and out of the house, and the telephones (land and cell lines) ringing continually.  As the hours evaporated I found myself running these words through my head repeatedly...”I’m so busy, I’ll never get it all done in time”!  My stress levels went through the roof ... what a surprise!  Because of wonderful teachers like Dorothy and Fatima I was able to bridge the negative self talk with some positivity and complete everything on my to-do list.  I feel accomplished.   Whew!  I’m ready for a weekend and maybe a leisurely cup of tea.


Thanks as always for your continued support and inspiration! Have a wonderful week!