Mind Over Chatter

All that we are is the result of what we have thought.

The mind is everything. What we think we become.”

                     The Buddha

I talk to myself.  A lot.  I know that certain categories of “head-talk” can raise legitimate concerns about mental illness, but I’m thinking mine is pretty much a run-of-the-mill, “normal thing."  Right??? (RIGHT???)

My mind chatters in several different ways; it carries on conversations I plan to have – or wish I had had, reminds me of things I need to do, and spends time telling me how good or BAD something, someone – usually myself – is. For example: The other day a friend asked if I’d gotten her phone message. “Yes,” I said, “didn’t you get mine?”  She hadn’t, because as it turned out, the reply I thought I sent had never left my head – (again).  I do this often; have running conversations with family and friends, (foes, politicians, authors, store managers, people in the supermarket line, etc.) and of course, myself.  Just your usual, run-of-the-mill, silent mind talk. 

It can be useful. Like when I play out a potentially prickly conversation in my head, it gives me an opportunity to sort out my thoughts.  I can take an honest look at my agenda, discard any judgments I may hold, put my ego on the sideline and then approach the actual dialogue without predetermined outcomes and an open mind. In this case talking to myself is helpful.

Talking to myself is also useful when I have a lot on my to-do list, or need to remember to take something out for dinner or pick up the dry cleaning.  Mentally reciting lists, calendars, and schedules helps me to keep on track during busy or stressful times.  The mental chatter reinforces my memory, keeps the notion (idea, thought, concept) active until it is accomplished - a good thing, right?

It can be.  But my mind’s capacity to reinforce my memory – to burn thoughts and ideas into its consciousness - is not discriminating. It holds all things I feed it, including the not so nice conversations I have with it.  Like the judgments, criticisms, and labels I bestow upon myself regularly and the reminders of my past mistakes and poor choices. 

More sages than I can list have reminded us that we are what we think. When we choose positive self-talk we become positive people. The same goes for negative self-talk.  My mind goes into accomplishment mode, no matter what’s on the list. When I go to the store and say to myself: broccoli, broccoli, broccoli; I get broccoli.  When I drop the milk carton on the floor and say to myself: stupid, stupid, stupid; I get stupid. 

Luckily, though a very powerful thing, the mind is also very compliant and can be easily tricked!  As Fatima Doman of the Franklin Covey Leadership Organization points out in her enlightening 7 Points to a Positive Outlook presentation, we CAN change our minds!  “ It takes about a second for a negative thought to trigger the release of stress hormones, so make a habit of disputing negative thoughts immediately.”  We can shut down the negative chatter without too much effort.  Here are a few of her useful suggestions:

Dispute negative self-talk – ask yourself for evidence that this thought is accurate.   Does spilling the milk really make me stupid?

Dispute all or nothing thinking – have you exaggerated the issue? Do I really always spill the milk?  Will I really never stop spilling the milk?

Use an affirming touchstone/mantra (rubber band?) – when negative chatter boils up in your mind – put your mind somewhere else, and let the negative thought go.

Practice affirming self-talk – when STUPID is the label you or someone else puts on you, immediately counter with: “NO!  I am NOT stupid; I am bright, creative, resourceful and……………….”

Work to immerse yourself in positivity – surround yourself with positive people, watch uplifting movies, listen to cheerful music, walk in the forest – (studies show that time spent in nature releases endorphins, sharpens our mental attitude, and decreases stress).  Choosing to live in a positive way will quiet your inner critic, too!

Remember, “Every time you judge yourself, you break your own heart.” (Swami Kripalu). So, above all, treat yourself with the same kindness you show to others! 

Peace,

Dorothy

Dorothy: Travel, good company, outstanding cuisine and extraordinary sights (have you been to the farmers market lately?) and sounds (AMAZING free concerts here in Mountain Town!) have kept my inner critic at bay this week, but a very full TO-DO list hides in the shadows, so I must, MUST remember to put Fatima's helpful ideas to practice.  I am calm, I am efficient, I am productive, I am, I Am, I AM!

Susan:  It’s been a tremendously chaotic week for me with lots of work to accomplish, appointments to keep, a small renovation project at home, an office move, people in and out of the house, and the telephones (land and cell lines) ringing continually.  As the hours evaporated I found myself running these words through my head repeatedly...”I’m so busy, I’ll never get it all done in time”!  My stress levels went through the roof ... what a surprise!  Because of wonderful teachers like Dorothy and Fatima I was able to bridge the negative self talk with some positivity and complete everything on my to-do list.  I feel accomplished.   Whew!  I’m ready for a weekend and maybe a leisurely cup of tea.


Thanks as always for your continued support and inspiration! Have a wonderful week!

What's Your Mission?

As we celebrate the first sixth months of publishing our The 51% Project blog, we want to take this time to thank all our loyal followers. Your comments, thoughts, suggestions have been, and continue to be, great motivators and much appreciated inspiration. Please continue to provide us your input, as although our posts come from personal experience and perspective, your participation helps us discover and explore new ideas, and new ways of thinking and being in the world. Helping us to broaden our view of life is a very special gift, and we are so grateful!

We are often asked, “What is The 51% Project? What is your mission?” So, we thought we’d go back and reprint our first entry as a review to our long-time followers and as an explanation of our purpose our new followers might have missed.

Again, thank you for your continued support and encouragement. The 51% Project has brought many changes to our own lives, and we hope that you, too, have found it useful!

Dorothy and Susan

Reprint of January 8, 2011 blog post:

If you change the way you look at things,
the things you look at will change.
-Wayne Dyer

Many of you have asked, “Why 51%? I put forth 100% or 110% or 120% of effort all the time?” Our response is, “To whom?” Your work, your play, your friends, family?” These are all good recipients of that 120%, but what about to you? Do you put 100% of effort toward caring for yourself, toward making adjustments in the way you personally live, to the nurturing of your wounds, to the outcomes you want to experience in your daily existence? We’ve asked ourselves the same question and the answer is – no. Like many, our own “stuff” is often at the bottom of our to-do list and by the time we get to US, we’re just too darn tired to do the work. And, like many, though we know this is counter-productive – we’ve heard it, read it for years from a myriad of our favorite authors and teachers: Love thyself, To thine own self be true, You cannot care for others if you don’t care for yourself - we forget.

The 51% Project aims to help us, and maybe you, remember. So, we’re going PUBLIC (gulp) with our “stuff”, enlisting the theory that putting forth the extra 1% will create the Tipping Point, the push over the edge that will turn our intention into the positive actions and outcomes we seek.

If you’ve read Malcolm Gladwell’s The Tipping Point, this idea won’t be new to you. Gladwell, a prominent social scientist, contends that it’s the moment where the extra 1% of something – effort, action, thinking, FLU - becomes an epidemic, causing a state of critical mass that moves a “thing” from status quos to rapid forward movement. A contagion becomes an “outbreak”, an idea becomes a movement, and power is put in the hands of the many – not the few. Think about a corporation – when the principals acquire 51% of the shares, they own the power to control the outcomes, the profits, and the values this company represents. We contend that the same is true in making changes – personal and global. If we do something 51% of the time, that something takes on the power to affect the way we are, the way we live and the way we engage with others.

We have both chosen personal issues we want to change. (We’ll get to some of those global issues later!) We have committed to exercising the 51% theory in bringing forth those changes and will share our journey here on these pages. Along the way we will share the bits of inspiration that we find helpful - quotes that move us, videos and music that become our touchstones, as well as the setbacks we experience. Many of these will not be new to you, but it is our hope that somehow seeing how they work for us, will make them clearer – maybe even bringing on a few ah-ha moments for some of you. We encourage your comments, suggestions and the sharing of some of your experiences too.

In our discussions with others about this project we have discovered some reoccurring themes – places where we all seem to get stuck, ego-isms that undermine success like: blurring boundaries, negative thinking, confusing right action with power, losing sight of the goal, and more. We will try to bring some new ways of thinking about these deterrents by sharing our own truths about them and also the wisdom of those authors and teachers we spoke of earlier.

Please join us in our personal experiment to put forth just 1% more effort to reach the tipping point that assures us, and you, the good, happy life we, and you, deserve.

Don't Loose That Feeling!

Don’t stop believing, hold on to that feeling.
-Journey (The Rock Band)



Many times in my life I’ve succumbed to a dearth of pleasure and joy and let fear have the upper hand in determining my moods and my days. The illness and death of a parent, sibling, or close friend; miscarriage, the break down and destruction of a marriage, or worry over finances are very stressful and painful, and overwhelm the joy of life. At one time or another, all of these have had negative and depressing effects in my life. I have always tried to learn from difficulty and pain and then move forward. But, moving forward doesn’t seem to happen quickly, and I have often thought that regaining my equilibrium might never occur.

However, believing opportunity is all around and that something positive will come from pain has always been a powerful reason for me to look for the bright side. It’s a start to escaping the negative cycle of loss and an opportunity to move in the opposite direction ... the abundance of hope, belief, joy, love, and opportunity.

The catharsis happens for me by writing rather than verbalizing my pains and fears. And it gives me opportunity to look at what I’ve written from different view points since I can review my musings another day, or even months later, with a different set of emotions and circumstances coloring my views. Often I’m startled by what I’ve written and find that I’ve changed my perspective completely. That makes me feel I’ve gained insight from the experience, therefore, something good has come from sorrow.

Determination and a deep belief that change is a good thing have helped carry me through my life to this point. I can usually find the silver lining in a problem; it may be tarnished, but still it’s a spark of something brighter. Once I find that small speck of possibility, it becomes a carrot dangling in front of me that I can choose to reach for (or not) and find solutions to shine light on the darkness. It’s not always easy to move to the positive side, but I have found time and again that something magic will happen in my life if I keep believing.

Susan

SUSAN: This has been a busy work week, but I’ve also carved out some time for much needed exercise in the form of biking on the trails near my home. I’ve been able to push myself physically and identify some of the areas of my body that need additional attention and care, and maybe some repair. I don’t like giving into the necessity of repair, but the silver lining in “just getting it done” is that I will be able to keep doing the activities I love so much.

DOROTHY: I, too, have had a busy week after being away for a few days. Re-entry can be a challenge, but the memories of the sights and new places I explored – out of state and right here in town – keep me buoyed and excited for the next great adventure. I must admit to a wee bit of apprehension when I see that July has passed us by, and temps returning to the 40’s in the morning…but I’m working hard at practicing what I preach and keeping myself in the now as much as I can!

We wish you a very good week filled with dreams and joy.
S and D

The usual format of The 51% Project blog is unavailable this week because of blog spot issues beyond our control. Please bear with us and hopefully repairs will be made for next week.

The Joy of Being Near Sighted

“To look at everything always as though you were 

seeing it either for the first or last time: 

Thus is your time on earth filled with glory."
— Betty Smith, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn

Susan and I both seem to be caught up in the glorious gifts of Nature lately.  We are so fortunate to live in such a beautiful part of the country.  I suspect there is beauty in your surroundings, too.

I had the good fortune to spend the past two weeks in beautiful settings outside my usual environs; a week in Western Montana’s bucolic and breathtaking Big Sky farmlands and a few days in Yellowstone and Grand Teton National Parks. Yet, though my time away was so enjoyable and awe inspiring and made me most grateful for the opportunity to travel and to be moved by the wonder of so many extraordinary places, I found myself thinking a lot about complacency - wondering what I’ve been missing by seeing past the things most dear to me and so often assuming that beauty is only beyond where I am. 

I know there is so much to enjoy and be awed by right under my proverbial nose.  But so often I’m too caught up in the getting by or getting through of life that I miss it. There ‘s so much wonder around me If only I would take time to look, to really see, beyond the utilitarian and common labels I frequently attach to the people, things and circumstances of my life!  My crab-grass and clover laden lawn and “ugly” brown fence are a frustration to me, but to my 9 year old grandson they are Fenway Park and The Big Green Monster and quite beautiful when he’s running the bases after his 5^th home run! My mud and puppy spit covered kitchen floor is “just another thing to get to” for me, but to the dogs, it’s a beautiful, cool place to rest after a good romp in a summer shower.  My husband's ratty, old, and faded t-shirt is not at all beautiful to me, but to him it’s a symbol of comfort, and the joy of being home, truly beautiful things! 

I must remember Betty Smith’s words and put to practice the framing of life she encouraged in her memorable book. For I do not doubt that if today was my last day on this earth, I’d want to hold tight in my soul my grandson’s 5^th home run around my weedy, brown fenced yard and savor every sloppy minute with those crazy hounds, and hold close that ratty old t-shirt! 

Having the opportunity to explore new places and see new vistas is such a wonderful gift and of course, I hope there are many more occasions for those pleasures in my life. But, I mustn’t count solely on them to define the beauty in my world but use them to help me see ordinary things in extraordinary ways. A small hand wrapped around the wilted stems of dandelions rivals every grand vista I’ve ever seen!  It’s good to be home.

Happy Trails!

Dorothy

Dorothy:  These past weeks have been filled with the glory of family, friends and beautiful sights….all stowed forever in the treasure box of my memory for future enjoyment!   What a wonderful world, what a wonderful life!!! 

Susan:   This past week we’ve had the opportunity to be tour guides for wonderful friends visiting from out of town.   Being a part of their first visit to the rugged Wasatch Mountains was awe-inspiring.  It was a reminder of how easy it is to take for granted the beauty, joy, and inspiration surrounding us. I feel changed by this experience ... renewed and eager to see if I can shed expectation and see with new eyes.

Celebrate The Small Victories

Embrace life with excitement,
And celebrate even the smallest victories!
Denise Linn

The 51% Project was created to encourage positive change by recommending small things we can do to find happiness. One of the most effective ways for me to get into a positive frame of mind is to look for the beauty in nature. First thing in the morning, I open the blinds and look outside. Some mornings the potted petunias are backlit by the sun and glow with stunning beauty. As the sun strikes the lush green grasses on the hillsides around our home it intensifies the colors and leaves me in awe of the incredible beauty surrounding me. Driving to the office I’m awed by the cloudless blue skies and the mist hanging above the river. I am so fortunate to be able to enjoy all of this beauty!

There has been a lot of rain in the past several days and this morning is overcast. The rain has given the wildflowers license to grow thicker and bloom with even more brilliance that just a few days ago. The hillside behind our home has a thick cover of this beauty and is amazing to look at. With all of the moisture in the ground and the overcast skies it’s quiet in that special way it gets when the air is thick with humidity. The usual sounds of civilization are muted. The winds’ breath gently rustles the leaves on the trees; the river flow and birdsong are the most noticeable sounds around me. I’m in awe of the abundance of peace surrounding me.

These are all simple pleasures, but they are powerful beyond measure. They reconnect me to nature in a visceral way and allow me to let go of worries and find a sense of great peace. I’m enjoying it, taking it all in, allowing it to flow through my body and soul to cleanse me and restore my energy. The pattern for my day is now set to expect peace and beauty. There are also physical benefits to finding joy and excitement around you and celebrating small victories. It sends a message to your immune system that it’s healthy and vital.

I find great peace and calm spending time in nature, whether that nature is in my back yard, hiking the mountains, or enjoying the beautiful and abundant flower beds in the city. Beauty is all around us if we take a moment to acknowledge it.

Namaste!

Susan

Susan: I’ve recently been told that writing this blog has changed me. I didn’t ask if it was change for the better, because I was a rather surprised by the comment. I’ve done quite a lot of thinking about it, and realize that I do feel different. I feel more calm and able to express my feelings and thoughts with greater ease. I feel more “real” and more connected to my heart. Situations that frustrated me and caused me stress a year ago don’t have the same power. I’m more peaceful and it feels very good to me. I’m going to spend the entire weekend celebrating this victory!


This week Dorothy is enjoying the pleasures of nature, delectable meals, friendship, and engaging conversation on an organic farm in Montana. Have an amazing adventure, Dorothy!

Thank you for your support of The 51% Project! Please join us on our Facebook page (just search The 51% Project) and let us know what’s on your mind.

Starving at the Banquet of Life

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters

Compared to what lies within us.

                         - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I was sitting in the sun at the park with a friend I had, admittedly, and guiltily, chosen not to spend time with in quite awhile.  Mother Nature was doing a fabulous job making amends for the extremely long winter she had dealt us. What remained of the 45-foot snow pack frosted the surrounding mountains, which looked three dimensional against the bluest BLUE BIRD sky of the season. The melt off had produced trees and grass in shades of green I’m not even sure there are words for.  Birds sang, dogs barked, children laughed.  It was a perfect moment in time.  But lost in her litany of could’ves and should’ves, wrong doings and if onlys, my friend was missing it all.  Suddenly I realized what had kept me so distant from her these past months:  I could no longer bare the pain of watching this beautiful, talented, good woman starving at the banquet of life.

Sadly, this is a way of life for my friend, but haven’t we all, at one time or another, been stuck in the planning and recalling that life insists on; our senses momentarily blurred to the life going on around us?  There are bills to pay, leaky faucets to fix, music lessons and football games to get to, obligations and responsibilities to juggle. It seems often that something or someone has us looking ahead. And, too, don’t we sometimes need to look back on our yesterdays, calling on the lessons learned and the wonderful, and also the difficult, memories of the past to remind us how to be and who we are today?  

Living in the now is a concept most of us get intellectually, but enter reality and things can get a little murky! Everyday we have 31,536,000 NOWs in which to be the best versions of ourselves. Some of those nows require planning and remembering, dreaming and hoping.  But when we allow ourselves to get swept up in the folly of regret, worry and projection, we, too, can find ourselves starving at the banquet of life. 

When we spend our time regretting what was, we waste the moment that is.  There are no do-overs in life. Mistakes, missed opportunities, harsh words or actions cannot be taken back.  But, they can be great reminders to make better choices. They can be turning points from which to go forward and grow.  They can be opportunities from which to learn the power of acceptance, of forgiveness, of peace. Remembering should not be confused with regret.

When we spend our time worrying about what will be, we waste the moment that is.  Leo Buscalia, author of Because I’m Human and other notable books, once wrote, “Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.” We cannot create outcomes from worry.  We cannot shape the future through projection.  That is not to say, our deeds and thoughts and words do not affect our tomorrows, they do.  Living an authentic, thoughtful, kindhearted life will surely bring you better tomorrows.  And, maybe more importantly, will provide you with the strength, courage and support you may need should tomorrow present a challenge.  But we must not confuse hope with worry, or planning with projection.

To most of us, these are not great and startling revelations!  Most of us have been there and done that before.  The question then, is how to stop these time wasting, futile forays into the past and future? 

A method I have found helpful over the years is what I call “rubber band reality!” It’s a simple, yet effective way to remind myself that where my head is taking me is not where I am, or want to be. It works like this:  Whenever I find myself getting stuck in a cycle of pointless, torturous, regret and worry mind games, I get a wide rubber band and slip it on my wrist. Then, the next time I find myself unable to resist stepping back to things I can’t change, or forward to things I can’t control, I give that rubber band a BIG snap. The sting acts as a wake up call to STOP and a reminder to look around and note that in the here and now, I am safe and living exactly the life I am intended to live!  For me, it works every time. Could it work for you, too?

Life is not a flash in the pan, but rather a rich, slow-cooked stew of moments in time. It should be flavored with love and joy, not soured with regret and worry. So, whether you choose to engage the rubber band of reality or another method, or mantra, to shake you from your trance of THEN; practice leaving your regrets and worries at the doorstep, or better yet, in the trash bin, and belly on up to the table to eat heartily at the beautiful, wonderful, delicious feast that awaits you NOW!

Bon Appetite,

Dorothy

Dorothy:  I will be spending the next week with my beloved ‘other’ family at Foothill Farm in western MT, where my belly will be filled with farm raised, organic food, my eyes will be filled with the magnificence of Big Sky Country and my heart will be filled with joy!  There will not be a second to waste on THEN! 

Susan:  May we all live today as the best you possible, think gently and patiently of tomorrow, and kindly of yesterday.    

We'd love to hear you thoughts and stories - please add a comment here, or join us on Facebook and post a comment there (and a LIKE:-) - just search for The 51% Project. We thank you, as always, for your continued support and acknowledgment!

Your Dreams Can Come True!

All our dreams can come true,
If we have the courage to pursue them!
Walt Disney

During the mid ninety’s I decided that living in a great little ski town near my home in the valley would be a dream come true. I couldn’t see anyway it would be possible financially or logistically. Still, I let that dream bloom in my heart because I loved thinking about it. In January of 2003, the dream came true! My husband and I moved into a great little house with a gorgeous view in Park City.

Dreams are fun, exciting, and add spice to our lives. And the achievement of even the smallest dream reminds us that dreams really can come true. But dreams don’t come true without being courageous and taking the first few steps toward the belief that we can achieve anything we put our minds to.

I find that when I’m most content and peaceful, elaborating on my dreams comes easily to me. I love to daydream and catch myself thinking “wouldn’t it be wonderful if …”. I believe that this is the beginning of the creative process so I try to find ways to get myself into that peaceful, happy state of mind. Here are a few tricks I use to help make my dreams come true.

I remember a perfect conversation with a friend, one where I knew I was “heard” and left the conversation believing unequivocally in myself. It’s a terrific feeling, and makes me feel happy and energized.
If I’m dreaming about my career, I imagine the perfect work environment and remember a day that I interacted with my clients with grace, ease, and diplomacy.
Visualizing our favorite vacation spot and the fun and closeness my husband and I enjoy while there, takes me back to that relaxed state of mind.
Some of my best thinking time is while I’m driving to work in the mornings. Everything is fresh and green this time of year and I love seeing the wildflowers bloom on the hillsides. Taking in all of the surrounding beauty allows me to feel happy and excited about being able to enjoy all of it. The gratitude I feel opens the door for enhanced dreaming.
I don’t want to forget my dreams, and want to elaborate on them, so when I feel especially brave I pull out my watercolors and paint something simple and write the word “dream” on it and then write my dream over the watercolor. Finding the perfect picture in a magazine and using it as the background for writing out my dream works great, too. I put it on my bathroom mirror so I see it every time I look in the mirror.

I’m very grateful to have dreams come true and amazed to realize that pieces of my dreams are already part of my life. Dreams are fun; they give us a mental and energetic break and help us clear out the cobwebs in our mind so we can light sparks of brilliance every day.

We wish you big dreams, extravagant dreams! May we all be brave enough to pursue our dreams.

Susan

Susan: I have spent the week noticing and being grateful for all of the wonderful people who are in my life and for all of the circumstances that have made my life amazing. I’m very grateful for all of the good in my life … I’m so fortunate. I believe that my dreams have come true and now it’s time to dream more … and bigger.

Dorothy: After a very challenging winter, Mother Nature has graced us with an extraordinary summer here in the Wasatch Mountains! It’s been impossible for me to stay indoors, and it hasn’t taken much encouragement for me to leave dust, laundry, and bills behind to head to the trails for the day! Living in a town that offers so much entertainment and outdoor recreation, is truly a blessing. I am soaking up every opportunity to hear great music, eat fabulous food, walk amazing trails, and just sit in the sun and dream!!!!! I hope you too are surrounded by lovely sights and have many wonderful opportunities to enjoy the season, wherever you may be!!!!

Thank you all for returning here each week.  We are grateful for your support and encouragement!